Man Laws

#1

1. Man Law Is NEVER Wrong...If An Argument Is Present We Agree To Disagee.
2. A man shall not wear the colors of a championship team unless there is documented proof on file that named man wore such colors before the start of the season.
3. It is only acceptable to complain of a sports injury if it will get you pity sex within one hour
4. You NEVER discuss with your girlfriend what goes on on guys night out.
5. It is acceptable to settle important decisions by using Rock, Paper, Scissors.
6.The woman should never drive the man's car, unless he is busy puking out the window.
7. When a friend moves in with his girlfriend, he loses his man card until said relationship is over.
8. Thou shall not make plans with the guys and then cancel for a chick...unless chick is really hot and has hot friends which would then benefit everyone.
9. Anything said and done in the company of male friends, is kept there and never shared with curious females.
10. If a buddy gets stuck talking to the fat chick at a party, under no circumstances are you allowed to leave his side.
11. If a man has relations with a chick who is "not up to par" said man can call "mulligan" and the incident shall never to be spoken of again. (only one mulligan per year)
12. The man who approaches a table full of women gets first dibs.
13. A man should never be told to put the toilet seat down, furthermore the toilet seat should be lifted after a female is done.
14. If a man's friend calls at 3 am needing a ride, you pick him up.
15. Man will not go to a chick flick with his girl friend or a girl unless he is guaranteed play during or after the movie. Woman must also pay for man's time.
16. If a single man is hosting a party single woman should always out number single men 2 to 1. There should be no couples
17. No Man May Change A T-Shirt Because "This One Is Wrinkled" Instead Wear It Or Iron It While It Is Still On You.
18. A Man May Not Own A Pleasure Device, Even If The Man Can Not Do The Job On His Own Or It Has Been Two Weeks Without A Woman. Especially If The Device Is Made Of Silly Putty.
19. If Ever Another Man Finds Another Man Breaking A Man Law, Said Man Is Subject To Being Hit In The Head With A Phonebook.
20. No Man Shall Let A "Female Friend" Move In With Him During Her Breakup With Another Man While She "Looks For Her Own Place"
21. Men May Not Wear Tight Pants Or Capri Pants. Exceptions Include Football Or Any Other Sport Deemed Manly.
22. Real Men Do Not Love Sex, Real Men Enjoy Sex. Love And Sex Are Two Diffrent Things.
23. A Man Can Not Carry A Little Dog In Public, Especially In A Bag.
24. No Man Shall Subject His Pet To The Humiliation Of Wearing Any Clothing Including Hats Or Sunglasses. Extreme Penalties Result In Such.
25. Mans Dog Is Part Of Mans Family Therefore Dog Is Allowed To Sleep On Bed. Good Call.
26. It Is Completely Acceptable For Man To Use A Dog To Lure A Woman.
27. No Man Shall Say The Word "Cuddle" Unless It Is To Score A PERFECT 10 Girl.
28. Man Will Not Take Woman's Last Name In Marriage.
29. If Talking To Your Girlfriend Or Wife On The Phone You Are Not Permitted To Use A "Pet Name" In Presence Of Another Man.
30. A Man's Friend Shall Not Let A Man Go Back To A Woman Who Left Him At The Alter...Unless She Is REALLY Hot.
31. During Football. The Time For Woman Is During Every OTHER Commercial Break.
32. Man Shall Not Date Another Friend's Ex, Once Said Relationship Is Over She Is Gone And Not To Be Brought Back Into Your Group.
33. Your Best Friend Should Never Sell You Out, A Real Man Always Returns The Favor.
34. Man Shall Never Call A Woman Who Is Just His Friend Unless It Is For The Sole Purpose Of Hanging Out To Become "Closer" Friends.
35. Shotgun Is To Be Called When The Vehicle Is In View, Not While Your Still In The Building.
36. No Man Shall Be Driving A Mini Van Unless That Is The Only Vehicle Available To Carry Everyone To The Liqour Store.
37. Unless It Is Your Mother, Sister, Aunt,Or Grandma, Man Does Not Say I Love You In Public.
38. Mans Mother Is Always A Saint.
39. Man Will Pass These Man Laws On To Everyone. Child Is Able To Start Learning Man Laws Once He Can Walk.
40. When Man Hangs Out With His Father, All Previous Disagreements Are Null And Void.
41. To Those Men Who Discipline Their Children With Spanking, If A Woman Attempts To Stop You From Disciplining Your Child, You Make Sure She Knows Who The Woman Is.
42. If She Does Not Tell You Her Age, Age Is Not An Issue.
43. If In A Bar And A Soldier Is In Uniform Said Man Is To Buy Soldier A Beer, UNLESS You Are Within 10 Miles Of A Navy Base Or Something In Those Regards.
44. When At A Movie Theater With Another Man, There Shall Be An Empty Seat Between The Two Of You. No Exceptions.
45. No Man Shall Ever Have To Explain Or Apologize For Not Calling Another Man Back.
46. No Man Shall Become Friends With An Exgirlfriend When The Relationship Went Out In Thunder Strikes Unless She Is Putting Out And It Has "Been Awhile".
47. Man should not wear shorts above his knees.
48. Man shall not count or cut coupons.
49. No Man Shall Use Another Man's Facebook Group To Degrade Another Man To Lure Women Into Speaking To Him. For That Makes Him Gay.
50. A Man Should Never Insult A Lady, Even If He Is Just Joking Around.
51. If It's The Last Period, Quarter, Half, Inning, Or Hold In Any Sporting Event, Women Are Forbidden To Speak To Us.
52. If The Remote Is Laying In Another Man's Lap, Under No Circumstances Is Another Man Allowed To Grab The Remote.
53. A Man Shall Never "Do It" In His Friends Bed Without Prior Permission From That Friend.
54. If Two Men Pass Each Other In A Hallway You Must Give The Nod Or The Pat On The Back If You Are Both In The Same Popularity Level.
55. No Man Shall Ever Let His Wife Or Girlfriend Or Other Woman Speak For Him On His Outgoing Voicemail Unless The Female Voice Is Hot Enough To Get Off To.
56. No Man May Glue Crystals Or Any Sort To His Cell Phone Or MP3 Player.
57. While Trying On Pants At The Store, A Man Should Never Ask Another Man How He Looks Wearing These Pants.
58. Clothes That Pass The "Smell Test" Are Acceptable To Wear Even If Unwashed For A Long Time.
59. Under No Circumstances Will A Man Pop His Collar.
60. No Man Shall Hold A Buying Bag By The Handles, But Shall Instead Fold Said Bag And Carry It Like A Football.
61. Men Do Not Go Shopping. We Go Buying.
62. No Man Shall Take More Than 45 Minutes To Do Their Christmas Buying.
63. When doing manual labor in the presence of women, it is considered stylish to appropriate to flew more than usual.
64. Highlights Are For Sportscenter, Not Your Hair.
65. If You get A Bad Hair Cut, You Are To Wear A Hat Or Suck It Up And Take It From Your Friends.
66. Men Will Not Wax Any Part Of Their Body.
67. No Man May Compliment Another Man On His Physical Looks Or Attire.
68. Every man Will Shower Before Going To A Bar With Other Male Friends To Pick Up Females.
69. If No Women Are Around, Your Belches Should Be As Loud And Long As Possible.
70. No Man Shall Ever Give The Hand Shake That Could Be Compared To That Of A Woman.
71. A Man Shall Never Say Whoever Smelled Ot Dealt It, Always Claim Your Own.
72. No Man Shall Ever Drive A Car With Spinner Hubcaps.
73. No Man Shall Operate A Vehicle With His Left Knee Bent Up And Foot On The Seat.
74. You Can Not Bet Less Than $5 On A Game.
75. A Man Must Finish A Poker Game Or Lose All His Chips, He May Never Leave In The Middle Of A Game.
76. No Exscuses. Play Like A Champion.
77. Man is to open door for woman only if woman is confirmed non-feminist, if she is a femenist she can open her own door.
78. Man Is To Show A Woman That Man Is Better Than Woman But Is To Never Strike Or Harm A Female.
79. Man Will Throw Away Any Instructions That Comes With An Item That Needs To Be Put Together. Man Does Not Take Instructions From Anyone, Yet Alone Need Them
80. (By Popular Demand) MAN SHALL NOT SPILL AN OUNCE OF BEER, EVEN IN THE NAME OF HUMOR.
81. Only Men May Suggest Man laws
82. Man May Not Push Another Man While He Is Pissing.
83. During A Game Of Beer Pong, No Man Who Calls Himself A Man, Will Wave His Hands Over The Cups As To Distract Another Man.
84. Bro's Before Hoes.
85. No Man May Make Exagerated Grunting Noises While Lifting At The Gym.
86. No Man Shall Leave His Beer Pong Partner For A Chick.
87. No Man Shall Hit Another Man's Beer Bottle.
88. Man Who Owns A Plasma Or LCD T.V. MUST Have More Than An Antenna Hooked Up To It To Where He Receives More Than His Local Channels.
89. Man Had A Good Night The Night Before If He Does Not Remember The Night.
90. A Man Will Not Whisper Into His Girlfriends Ear When Out With The Guys.
91. No Man Shall Extend His Pinky While Drinking Unless Deemed Necessary Because Of An Injury That Requires A Cast.
92. No Man Shall Type "LiKe ThIs"
93. No Man Shall Ask A Waitress For A Box.
94. No Man May Piss In A Urinal Next To Another Man.
95. A Man Is Obligated To Watch Any Act Of Lesbianism Unless Said Women Are Below A 7, Dictated By The Man Law Nation Hotness Chart.
96. If A Man Can't Lift His Own Girlfriend She Is Deemed Fat And No Higher Than A 1.3 On The Man Law Nation Hotness Chart.
97. (Also By Popular Demand) MEN Don't Kill Babies And MEN Don't Abandon Women, MEN Take Responsibility For Their Actions.
98. Man shall NOT date a female that roots for a rival team of said man, UNLESS she is above an 8 on the MLN hottness scale.
99. Put UP the seat (directed towards women)
100. Man will never say "ewww" or "that's gross"
101. Man may impersonate someone with a lisp by using a lisp, but the impersonation may not last more than one sentence.
102. Man shall never put America down, if you don't like America then you can get out
103. No man shall ever order a "fruity drink", alcoholic or not.
104. Man shall not cock block another Man unless said woman has an STD, or if said Man can't phyisically pick the woman up
105. Said Man should never dance at a bar. They made dance clubs for a reason.
106. Said Man will NOT babysit a kid that is NOT his during a sporting event.
107. No man shall ever hold his nose while jumping into any body of water.
108. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
109. Shut The Door

#2

39. Man Will Pass These Man Laws On To Everyone. Child Is Able To Start Learning Man Laws Once He Can Walk.

CDR!!

Awesome list..!

#3

good laws! lol.

i was gonna ask why it was posted in the music section. lol.

#4

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella

2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(/cool.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="B)" border="0" alt="cool.gif" /> The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

© After wrecking your boss's car.

(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

(e) When she is using her teeth.

3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't seeanything.

16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!

/cool.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="B)" border="0" alt="cool.gif" /> C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

29. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is:

* "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

* "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

#5

78. Man Is To Show A Woman That Man Is Better Than Woman But Is To Never Strike Or Harm A Female.

Slamming job tt

Now we just need a ML Hotness chart... Should it be by #'s or name

ie 1-10 or 10= Joanne Krupaish 9= LeeAnn Tweedenish

Maybe posta Gostas girls and vote top 10 and those would be the vlaues (Man Law Hotness)