Why do Geeks get Halloween and Christmas confused?
Because 31 Oct == 25 Dec
(and both are considered birthdays by some people)
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
Little John asked a long-distance telephone operator, "Could you tell me the time difference between Singapore and New York?" Operator replied, "Just a minute." Little John said, "Thank you." And he put down the phone.
Nudes are played out.
Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you are not dumb and your profile picture is actually you.
Two male computer science students met on campus one day. The first student called out to the other, "Hey. Nice bike! Where did you get it?"
"Well," replied the second student, "I was walking to class the other day, when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all off her clothes, and says, 'You can have ANYTHING you want'."
"Good choice." said the first computer science student. "Her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Two guys are sitting on a bar stool.
One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!"
The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"
The other says, "Go home dad you’re drunk."
Progression
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Nudes are played out.
Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you are not dumb and your profile picture is actually you.
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
Chemistry Teacher: ‘‘Can you give me the formula for water?’’
Student: ‘‘H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-.’
Chemistry Teacher: ‘‘Where did you get an idea like that?’’
Student: ‘‘You told us the other day it was H to O.’’
Nudes are played out.
Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you are not dumb and your profile picture is actually you.
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, Do you want to fool around ?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.' So I said, ' 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.
Nudes are played out.
Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you are not dumb and your profile picture is actually you.
Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.
Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney.
The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is Called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.
The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.
One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down:
DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name? First only please."
Contestant: "Brian."
DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
Brian: "Sara."
DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
Brian: "About 10 minutes."
DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."
Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?
Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for a couple of weeks..."
DJ: "Uh huh..."
Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: "On the kitchen table."
DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."
DJ: "Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?"
Clerk: "This is she."
DJ: "Sara, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."
Sara: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any\answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"
Sara: "No."
DJ: "Good!"
Brian: (laughing)
Sara: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest."
DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sara. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.
Sara: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sara?"
Sara: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."
DJ: "What time?"
Sara: "Around 8 this morning."
DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
Sara: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sara. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"
Sara: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Where did you have it?"
Sara: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?"
Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sara?"
Sara: "Well..."
DJ: Come on Sara..... where did you have it?
Sara: "Up the ar$e....."
After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station break"
And the drivers of Sydney almost crashed their cars laughing!
Three old ladies walking down the street, A naked guy walks by and jiggles his goods for them The first lady upon seeing the obscene gesture had a stroke The second lady upon seeing the obscene gesture had a stroke and the third lady couldn’t reach.
