Redneck Funnies

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5829
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Re: Redneck Funnies

#11

Post by 5829 »

Well, I could put the list of 300 Reasons you might be a Redneck (Thank you Jeff Foxworthy!)
but don't think that anyone posted these (and it's shorter)


REDNECK COMPUTER TERMS

BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods
BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern
BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick
BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro
CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps
CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker
CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited
DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers
DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer
FAX - What you lie about to the IRS
HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos
INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair
KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food
MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers
MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall
MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live
NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line
ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
ROM - Where the pope lives
SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast
SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year
SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear



If Bill Gates was a Redneck named Billy Bob Gates....

Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders
Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle
Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with duct Tape and a Hefty Bag
Dialog boxes would give you the choice of Ahh-ight or Naaaaa
Instead of ta-da the opening sound would be dueling banjos
The Recycle Bin in Winders'95 would be an outhouse
Whenever you pulled up the sound player you'd hear a digitized drunken redneck yelling Free bird!
Instead of Start Me Up the Winders'95 theme song would be Sweet Home Alabama
PowerPoint would be named ParPawnt
Microsoft's programming tools would be Vishul Basic and Bishul C++
Winders'95 logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag
Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
Instead of latte carts we'd have grits carts
New Shutdown wav: Y'all come back now, Yah hear?
Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz"
Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am
Microsoft Office replaced with Micrasawft Henhouse
Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver
Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire
Speadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead cars in your front yard
Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator
Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates
Instead of asking "where do you want to go today? it's more like Hey mister, can I ketch a ridein the back?
Free eraser to erase the scribbble marks off the screen when using the NotePad
Nudes are played out.
Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you are not dumb and your profile picture is actually you.

Free Rice - feed the world - play for free
National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-7233
National Rape, Sexual Assault Hotline - 1-800-656-4673
Love Is Respect - 1-866-331-9474

~~~ accept everything - Believe Whatever - TRUST NOTHING ~~~~

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
Never tell all you know...

Disclaimer: The opinions are my own. Nobody else wants them.

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