Spiritual Experiences

[darklighter1]

Ok well a couple years ago I was seeing this crazy bitch see? And she moved in with me much to my dismay and I had to take a train commute into work each morning. Well she didn't have a job at the time so she'd drive into the city to see me after work and hang out (again much to my dismay). We'd grab some drinks dinner and then go home. Happened a few nights a week. Well it came time that I wanted her and her broomstick out of my house and the relationship over.

So when she was driving me home one night we got to the train station I took to work each morning and I got in my car and drove in front of her car and was thinking I'll let her down in the house and give her some time before she had to pack her crap and vamoose. Well on the ride home I swear something ran out in front of my car like an apparition or something on this really dark road near home. So I swerved and noticed nothing there and didn't mention or think of it again.
Well later that night I told my "sweetie" that while I loved her it was time for her to move back to her mother's and it was nothing she did wrong. In other words, it's me it's not you speech. Well like any break up you see the pain in somebody's face but this was...different. I could almost hear a crack between her eyes. Well I knew some shit was gonna go down but I wasn't sure what. So I went to bed but I kinda half slept you know one of those AWARE of your surroundings sleeps?

I could hear her pacing up and down the hall for awhile outside my door until BAM! She kicks in the door and she's bare ass naked (which now when I look back on it was kinda cool) and she has a BIG kitchen knife in her hand and dives at me. Well because I was only dozing ya know I jumped up and caught her in the air and slammed her on the ground until the knife came loose. I mean I was like Spiderman or some shit I really think it was the most agile thing I've ever done.
Well she starts rolling off in Manderin at me in this like deep throaty fucking spooky voice and her eyes were just not fuckin right! And she had a hot little body but she was little so I was able to pick her up and get her away from the knife into another room. Well at this point she starts speaking English again and telling me “you have no idea who I am” I said “sure I do, you’re Claire and ya just tried to gut me” She says “no I am Emperor Blah blah blah (she was tough enough to understand when she wasn’t doing the possessed voice thing so I really have no idea which Emperor she said cause I don’t speak no Chinese) and I have been following this girl through many lifetimes. I was in love with her and I could have any woman in the land but she spurned me. ME! The greatest Emperor of China blah blah blah. Because I could not have her I had her and her lover hung. But I missed her forever and have been chasing her through lifetimes on end now. “

So at this point I’m lookin around my house for cameras thinking I’m being punked or on TV or something. I mean this shit doesn’t happen to me! So I keep being a smartass and making all kinds of cracks and I just keep telling her to cut the shit. Well she keeps trying to punch and kick me and then tells me “I watch you your entire life. You take nothing seriously. You have many relationship and you love them then leave them “ (notice I speak in the singular cause I’m writing what she said..he said…whatever…you know broken Engrish) . She picks up a Maxim I had lying around the house with of all people on the cover I think it was Tara Reid and says “this who you always seek! Why you not leave her alone and go back to your blond whores?” At which point I tried to point out to IT that I was in the process of a breakup when he so rudely interrupted and tried to kill me.

Well at this point she lets out a scream and runs out of my house naked mind you into the woods in my backyard I’m sure my neighbors were happy with the site but I sure as hell wasn’t going after her It was November and chilly. After about a half hour she returns and keeps going on with the history lessons which I kept laughing at. Then with this evil evil I mean fucking EVIL look she looks me directly in the eye and says “you saw me earlier tonight in my true form.” I said “what’re you talkin about?” She said “that was me in front of your car in the road tonight”, so at this point I’m kinda a little fucking scared outa my fucking tits. I didn’t tell her I saw something in the road, she was following me in her car and mighta saw me swerve but It coulda been a cat for all she knew. But I kept denying everything “what? I didn’t see shit what’re you talkin about?” But inside I’m doing like a Hail Mary and an Our Father cause now I’m petrified. Well this whole thing went on for hours and I got my shit together and was going to work when she said “when you get home tonight, she will be dead! I will cut her wrists in the tub and this will be on your conscience”. So I asked that she at least keep the wrists in the tub cause I would hate to have to scrub blood off the bathroom floor after a long day at work.

So I get to work and I tell this other chick I work with what happened and she called a priest cause she could see I was shook up and the priest tells her to buy two plane tickets back to China, one for her and one for the Emperor. I have a paranormal experience and I get the first Catholic comedian priest to calm me down. Father Shecky. Anyway I keep calling my house to find out if she’s still alive or will speak to me again. Nothing all day! So going home that night I’m terrified about what I’m going to find and she’s there waiting for me at the door in a bathrobe drinking a martini and asks me how my day at work was. MY DAY AT WORK!! ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDING ME!?!?! Then she tells me she remembers nothing of the night before and doesn’t want to talk about it. I ask her if she remembers me telling her to get her shit OUT! At which she starts crying but the Emperor is gone…for now. Weeks later after she moved out and she showed up at my house and I was a little……mmmm randy shall we say we start fooling around and I’m down on her when she pulls one of those James Bond bitch things where she tries to strangle me with her thighs. I push her off and she’s laughing maniacally ”BWHOOOHAAHOOOHAA!!!” And tells me I’ll never own her heart while he is there. So I told him/her to keep it and for both of em to get the fuck out for good.

So the point of the story is Asian women are fascinating and Maxim sucks.

[Sir Jig-A-Lot]

Jeezus! I was alternately cracking up & kinda bugging out. Is this the same ex you tried to stalk on facebook? Anyhoo It's clear that whatever ran in front of your ride possessed her (if it was all legit).

[darklighter1]

Nah different Asian babe (as you know my weakness). But it's all true, I really am not quite sure what happened that night or shortly thereafter but it was without a doubt the most surreal incident in my life. I've had other girls I cared for more but she will go down as the most memorable.

[Sir Jig-A-Lot]

I'd imagine so. Thanks again for sharing.