Bob works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing
basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so
for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says
Bob. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings
over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know
that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We
share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob,
starts to rub herself all over him and says "Hi Bobbie. Want your usual
table dance, big boy?"
Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door,
he jumps in beside her.
Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for
someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at
the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this
time".
The Official AF Joke Thread
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Skinny Bastard
- shady character
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deepdiver32073
- Iconoclast Extraordinaire
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Just for TT:
A New York family of Yankees fans heads out one Saturday to shop for the youngest boy's birthday.
While in the sports shop, the son picks up a Red
Sox jersey and says to his older sister,
"I've decided to become a Red Sox fan and I would like this Boston jersey for my birthday."
His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him upside his head and says, "Go talk to mother!" Off goes the little lad with the jersey in hand and finds his mother.
"Mom?"
"Yes, son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be a Red Sox fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday.
The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and
says, "Go talk to your father!" Off he goes with the Red Sox jersey in hand and finds his father.
"Dad?"
"Yes, son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be a Red Sox fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday."
The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son in the back of his head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"
About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home.
The father turns to his son and says
"Son, I hope you've learned something today."
The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have."
"Good, son, what is it?"
The son replies,
"I've only been a Red Sox fan for an hour, and I already hate you Yankee bastards !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A New York family of Yankees fans heads out one Saturday to shop for the youngest boy's birthday.
While in the sports shop, the son picks up a Red
Sox jersey and says to his older sister,
"I've decided to become a Red Sox fan and I would like this Boston jersey for my birthday."
His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him upside his head and says, "Go talk to mother!" Off goes the little lad with the jersey in hand and finds his mother.
"Mom?"
"Yes, son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be a Red Sox fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday.
The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and
says, "Go talk to your father!" Off he goes with the Red Sox jersey in hand and finds his father.
"Dad?"
"Yes, son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be a Red Sox fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday."
The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son in the back of his head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"
About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home.
The father turns to his son and says
"Son, I hope you've learned something today."
The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have."
"Good, son, what is it?"
The son replies,
"I've only been a Red Sox fan for an hour, and I already hate you Yankee bastards !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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deepdiver32073
- Iconoclast Extraordinaire
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Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. !
Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America.....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ....
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? !
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Just curious...
Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. !
Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America.....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ....
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? !
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Just curious...
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deepdiver32073
- Iconoclast Extraordinaire
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A young guy was complaining to his boss about the
problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend.
"She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her,
the young man exclaimed.
"Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife",
replied the boss. "Whenever she got out of hand
I'd take her pants down and spank her."
Shaking his head the young guy replied, "That doesn't
work. Once I get her pants down I'm not mad anymore."
problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend.
"She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her,
the young man exclaimed.
"Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife",
replied the boss. "Whenever she got out of hand
I'd take her pants down and spank her."
Shaking his head the young guy replied, "That doesn't
work. Once I get her pants down I'm not mad anymore."
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trashtalkr
- Sports Guru
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I didn't like that Yankees joke DD. Us Yankee fans aren't bastards....we're winners who know what we want. But if my son ever came up to me with a Red Sox jersey in his hand, I would kick his ass and then shove the jersey up it
"If there were no eternal consciousness in a man, if at the bottom of everything there were only a wild ferment, a power that twisting in dark passions produced everything great or inconsequential; if an unfathomable insatiable emptiness lay hid beneath everything, what would life be but despair?"
Soren Kierkegaard
Soren Kierkegaard
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deepdiver32073
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fatboy42
- Posts: 279
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Q. What's the most sensitive part of your anatomy when you are masturbating?
A. Your ears.
A. Your ears.
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Chuckiedoo
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AYHJA
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A rugged Cowboy from Brokeback Mountain, Colorado, goes into the doctor's
office and has some tests run.
The doctor comes back and says, "I am not going to beat around the bush,
You have AIDS." Cowboy tugs at his Stetson and sets his jaw and says,
"Doc, what can I do?" The doctor says, "I want you to go home and eat 5
pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched
in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of
Grapenuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."
Cowboy squares his rugged shoulders and asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ass
is for."
office and has some tests run.
The doctor comes back and says, "I am not going to beat around the bush,
You have AIDS." Cowboy tugs at his Stetson and sets his jaw and says,
"Doc, what can I do?" The doctor says, "I want you to go home and eat 5
pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched
in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of
Grapenuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."
Cowboy squares his rugged shoulders and asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ass
is for."
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iMNO
- Posts: 1647
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That is some quality shit! Keep 'em coming. I love the one about the stripper and the bowler at the top of the page!
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