The Official AF Joke Thread

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Unga Bunga

Once there were three scientists who were walking in the woods. They were searching for butterflies. While they were sleeping that night a tribe captured them and put them in a tent. The first guy wakes up and sees the tribe chief with a spear he says: Death or Unga Bunga? The first guy says: Unga bunga because I don't want to die! So they take him away. Unga Bunga is a guy with a ten foot long dick and he sticks it up the other guys butt for ten seconds and then the second guy wakes up and he sees the first guy come staggering back saying: Pick death! Pick death! But the guy doesn't believe him so he picks Unga Bunga. And then the same thing happens to him. Then the third guy wakes up and see the guy staggering back saying: Pick Death! So the guy figures that what the heck? And he picks death and then the chief says: Death! by Unga Bunga!

[hotheat]

Computer History Of The World

In the beginning, God created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word.

And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.

And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.

And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware.

And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and big... And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.

And God said - I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.

And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but do not use Windows.

And God said - It is not good for the programmer to be alone. He took a bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does; And God called the creature: the User.

And the Programmer and the User were left under the DOS and it was Good.

But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any programs?

And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.

And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will become GENIOUS. You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your mouse.

And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless--since Windows could replace it.

So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the Programmer that it was good.

And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And God asked him--What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered--I am looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS. And God said - Who told you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to!

And God said to Bill - Because of what you did, you will be hated by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell Windows.

And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmers help.

And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User, you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.

And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and secured it with a password.

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Sweet Tea

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.

The Doctor asks: "What happened?"

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

The Doctor says: "I have a real good cure for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

The woman says: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me! How does the tea do that?"

The Doctor says: "The tea does bugger all, it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick?"

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I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.
I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds,
then it would come crashing back down to earth.
I tried this a few more times with no success.
All the while, my wife Anne is watching from the kitchen window,
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yelled to me, You need a piece of tail.
I turned with a confused look on my face and said,
Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.


Q. What are the bumps around a girl's nipples?
A. They read "Suck here" in Braille.


A blind man is sitting on a park bench.
A Rabbi sits down next to him.
The Rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzah.
Taking pity on the blind man,
he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man.
Several minutes later, the blind man turns,
taps the Rabbi on the shoulder and asks,
"Who wrote this crap?"

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[hotheat]

Last night I was talking to a young ,good looking woman.
She asked me if I liked breast or legs.
I told her what I really liked was a shaved snatch.
Apparently I'm not welcome at KFC anymore?

[hotheat]

A guy decides to build a brick fence in front of his house but isn't sure how many pallets of bricks he'll need. So he calls his blonde neighbor, who recently built a similar-size brick fence.

"Steve," he says: "I'm building a fence the same size as yours. How many pallets of bricks did you get?"

"10," Steve answers.

So the guy buys 10 pallets and proceeds to build a beautiful fence. When he finishes, he's surprised to find he only used four of the pallets.

"Hey, Steve," he says over the fence: "I just finished building my fence, and I've got six pallets of bricks left over."

"Yep," says Steve: "So did I."

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