My English Essay on "One Flesh", help!

#1

Hey guys, I'm supposed to write a minimum of 500 word essay on a poem called "One Flesh" by Elizabeth Jennings. I've been working on it for the past 5 days, and here's what I've come up with. I need help on everything and suggestions on any changes to make it better.
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Here is the original poem:
Lying apart now, each in a separate bed,
He with a book, keeping the light on late,
She like a girl dreaming of childhood,
All men elsewhere - it is as if they wait
Some new event: the book he holds unread,
Her eyes fixed on the shadows overhead.

Tossed up like flotsam from a former passion,
How cool they lie. They hardly ever touch,
Or if they do it is like a confession
Of having little feeling - or too much.
Chastity faces them, a destination
For which their whole lives were a preparation.

Strangely apart, yet strangely close together,
Silence between them like a thread to hold
And not wind in. And time itself's a feather
Touching them gently. Do they know they're old,
These two who are my father and my mother
Whose fire from which I came, has now grown cold?********************************************************************************************************
This is the essay I have written:

Although at a first glance Elizabeth Jennings†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¾¢‚¬Å¡‚¢s †™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¹¢‚¬¦¢¢¬…œOne Flesh†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¾¢‚¬Å¡‚¢ seems like a classical romantic tragedy, but it emerges to be a poem that raises the post-modernist issues of segregation and solitude in the contemporary world. I see this poem as one which reflects the contradictory reality between a couple, from a daughter†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¾¢‚¬Å¡‚¢s point of perspective. The manner in which Elizabeth Jennings describes love in this poem is by the use of calm images to describe the passion that once held the couple love together which is now gone, the flames of the fire have gone, only the ashes remain. This shows us that their lack of intercourse does not lead to a lack of affection for each other.

The couple lying down each on a separate bed already gives us an insight of how strong their isolation is and it also tells us that there is no intercourse going on. However at the end of this stanza, the poet swiftly tries to convey the actuality that both of them love each other, by showing that the husband isn†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¾¢‚¬Å¡‚¢t concentrating on what he is supposed to be doing, and the wife is doing something else.
†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¦‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦¢‚¬Å“Some new event: the book he holds unread
Her eyes fixed on the shadows overhead.†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬?
Jennings has portrayed the actuality that both of them feel affection for each other because the husband hasn†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¾¢‚¬Å¡‚¢t read the book he†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¾¢‚¬Å¡‚¢s holding, and the wife isn†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¾¢‚¬Å¡‚¢t doing anything but just staring at the shadows over her head, which could be the shadow of the husband.

†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¦‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦¢‚¬Å“Or if they do, it†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¾¢‚¬Å¡‚¢s like a confession
Of having little feeling †™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢¬…¡‚¬¢‚¬¦¢¢¬…œ or too much†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬?
The admission of having †™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¦‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦¢‚¬Å“too much†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬? articulates the way in which the couple is unable to surpass their separateness without the tie of passion which has now grown †™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¦‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦¢‚¬Å“cold†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬?.
†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¦‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦¢‚¬Å“Tossed up like a flotsam from a former passion†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬?
The image of flotsam †™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢¬…¡‚¬¢‚¬¦¢¢¬…œ bringing their relationship with a cold, vast, uncaring ocean could perhaps be seen as the †™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¹¢‚¬¦¢¢¬…œfeeling†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¾¢‚¬Å¡‚¢ of their relationship.
However, Jennings mentions the word †™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¦‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦¢‚¬Å“chastity†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬?, claiming it faces them, and this evidently gives the reader the insight that the couple are abstaining from sexual intercourse, due to their religious connotations.

†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¦‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦¢‚¬Å“Strangely apart, yet strangely close together
Silence between them like a thread to hold†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬?
The passage of †™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¹¢‚¬¦¢¢¬…œtime†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¾¢‚¬Å¡‚¢ is also an issue with this poem; the idea of passion for life growing cold as well as passion within the relationship. Time is also the only thing which remains between them. The past is the †™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¦‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦¢‚¬Å“thread†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬? which ties them together, and also keeps them †™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¦‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦¢‚¬Å“close together†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬?.
In this stanza, the poet also goes in detail to say that †™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¦‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦¢‚¬Å“time itself is a feather touching them gently,†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬? which gives the reader the insight that they are getting old.
†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¦‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦¢‚¬Å“These two who are my father and my mother
Who†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¾¢‚¬Å¡‚¢s fire from which I came, has now grown cold?†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬?
At the last part of this stanza, the poet uses a very intense image to tell us that they don†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¾¢‚¬Å¡‚¢t love each other anymore through their child†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¾¢‚¬Å¡‚¢s voice, because the strong love that existed between them before is the †™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¦‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦¢‚¬Å“fire†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬?, and the faded love now is said to be †™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¦‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦¢‚¬Å“grown cold†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬?.

In conclusion, the poet in the poem †™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¹¢‚¬¦¢¢¬…œOne Flesh†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¾¢‚¬Å¡‚¢ uses intense striking images to describe couple who loved each other so much previously, but as age catches up with them, the love fades away. In this poem, Jennings used †™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¹¢‚¬¦¢¢¬…œtime†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¾¢‚¬Å¡‚¢ to convey the fact that they were getting older. However, throughout their relationship, imagery is also used in the poem to inform the reader that there was no sexual intercourse between them.
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I'm not good at English in general, so suggestions will REALLY help, thanks poeple.

#2

I like what you have so far. What I would write about is how love has changed over time. You could write about love when they were young and then move on to a different kind of love now that they are older. A compare and contrast like that always seems to get a good grade

#3

The conclusion, anyhow I can make it stronger?

#4

For the first thing, are you trying to analyse the poem? If so what exactly are to trying to analyse?

Set out questions before you start writing and through the essay answer them one after the other.

To me you are quoting too much of the poem and explaining a line at a time rather then the poem. If need be take stanza's at the whole and refrain from writing about one line at a time.

I really hated analysing poetry but one thing about poetry is that the meaning from one part of a poem could be completly differernt to another part and I see that you have identified that which is a good sign. But once again too much quoting.

"The couple lying down each on a separate bed already gives us an insight of how strong their isolation is and it also tells us that there is no intercourse going on."

no intercourse going on isnt my favourite way to end a sentence. It just sounds like you are trying to be a gangster, homie ... lolz

Try saying; there is no more intimacy, or they dont see each other as physically enticing or something smarter.

About your explanation on the last stanza, relating to the "fire".

Are you sure that the fire actually means love? Or does it rather mean physical intimacy, or just passion.

If however you do say its love then say how you think it is, fire does not always mean love so just say that there is no passion intimacy and the reason that might be that the love they had has been lost in time etc etc.

hope it helps.

#5

THe question says "Explore how Elizabeth Jennings shows the reader that love between the couples existed and faded"

#6

I only read the first three lines 'cause Iam too lazy to read. But I noticed you used I. Don't use I or me. It makes the essay a lot stronger because you are demanding that it's about segragation or w.e instead of making it your opinion that it's about segregation.

Ya know?

Hook ya up with some more help tomorrow.

Again. Sorry I couldn't read it all right now. It's rude not to finish a poem.

#7

Ummm, remember that the poem is actually from the prespective of a child rather then on of the 2 parents so where a child may say fire and passion it does not always mean that there is no more love between the two. From my view in your conclusion explicitly mention that the everything is from a prespective of a child rather then the eye of god method.

If i remember right the eye of god method is when the writer knows everything that is going on but the 3rd person naration is when the story is told through someone who is there but doesnt really have all the facts.

You have to make a distinction that it is from a child rather then the eye of god and that whatever is happening is really only half the story. Be careful though, you could easily wander off track here. But yeah just do mention that how in the eye of the child there is no love which could be different to there being no love between the couple.

#8

Suggestions on how I can do that?

#9

Because it is a poem, I would challenge the question itself...

The P.O.V. is from a child...It could very well not even BE about the parents...It could be about the perception of a child of adult affairs...hahaha...My english teachers all hated me I'm sure....

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#10

Frankly thats what I would do as well but since he had already written his essay I didnt say it. Although I must point out the best way to getting the best marks are going beyond the brackets and do what A says lol...

It not only allows the teacher to see that you are not confined by normal thinking.

And as for your question mate, just in your conclusion say it somewhere ....

example

In conclusion, the poet in the poem †™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™¢¢¬‚¹¢‚¬¦¢¢¬…œOne Flesh†™ ¢‚¬„¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¢†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¡¢‚¬Å¡‚¬†™‚¢‚¢¢¢‚¬Å¡‚¬¦‚¾¢‚¬Å¡‚¢ uses intense striking images to describe couple who loved each other so much previously, but as age catches up with them, the love fades away. This however is done from the eyes of the child. A child who might not yet have been able to distingusih the difference between love , passion and physical intimacy. blah blah blah

you know what i mean?