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I hope anybody that posted doesn't mind typing over... /sad.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":(" border="0" alt="sad.gif" />

Anyway, this is the quesiton...Suppose you found out something about a close friend that that didn't want you to know...Maybe its something that could have told you, maybe not..But whatever the secret is, it affects how you behave around them...I suppose that different secrets could pose different situations, but to me, the premise should be the same...It could be a secret that they know, or one they don't know...Either way, they didn't tell you...

Here are some scenarios:

1. Your friend was sexually abused as a child...
2. They had an explicit homosexual encounter...
3. He is raising a child that he thinks is his, but its not...
4. His or her SO is getting fresh w/you...

How does one situation differ from the other and why..?

well the finding out of secrets is not often a pleasant experience, and yes it is true that they will almost always change your behaviour, at least for the immediate future.

however, i think there comes a time when you, as the person who finds out about the secret, learns to accept or understand their secret and why they would have kept it from you in the first place, and you revert back to the relationship that you had with that person before you found out their secret.

i think that it is best to take each scenario as a discrete entity, as you can't classify secrets as one big group.
the nature and impact of the secret will determine your immediate response and and the time it takes for you to understand/accept, and this will vary from secret to secret.

QUOTE1. Your friend was sexually abused as a child...


They don't want anyone to know, because they feel so tortured by it.
They feel the lowest of everyone, as they've been treated that way,
they were so overpowered & dominated..... they feel alone, they
want to block it out so much, that the very thought of sharing it with
someone else, bringing it to the surface of their consciousness, that
it is too much for them....


Something so great and special, the act of propogating procreation, is
reversed into such a horrible and negative thing to demean someone.
That's why it is called abuse. Ruining the very innocence of
childhood- it's immoral, it's......very hard to explain. Molestation is
the lowest thing a person can do, and people that were molested during
childhood, themselves feel they are that low as well...as I said it's
very demeaning and they don't want to bring it out....

I have never endured being molested when I was a child, and even I have difficulty talking about this particular situation...


QUOTE2. They had an explicit homosexual encounter...


They feel "guilty" of their actions, as it seems taboo. Heterosexuality
is considered the norm, basically because homosexuality is instinctly
against evolution AND creation-> it's against procreation. No matter
how many contraceptives a chick takes couple with her tied fallopian
tubes and a dude wearing two frangers as well as his balls fixed, the
act of a man and a woman being physically intimate still follows the
basis of creating life, so it's 'accepted'. Just the typical gay-bashing thing, they don't wanna cop shit for makin' doughnuts....


QUOTE3. He is raising a child that he <i>thinks</i> is his, but its not...

I hope this isn't what I think it is............


Well, this secret, will sometime in life have to come to light. A
blood donation, getting-out-of-jail, passports, there's alot of
scenarios when a father must know who his children really are. It's
definitely hard to deal with, but shouldn't be really ashamed of.

In July I worked with this 16 year old boy. His father had a daughter
and a son. Then the father split with his wife and had two daughters
and a son with another woman. Then he went back to his first wife and
had a son (the 16 year old). Then he left her and had a son with
another woman. Then he left her and went with another woman (no kids,
yet). That final son, who is now 13, doesn't know that his 'mother' is
really his stepmother. It's a similar situation, but the secret cannot
be held too much longer....




QUOTE4. His or her SO is getting fresh w/you..


I do not understand what you mean by "getting fresh"?

Getting fresh = Hit On, excessive flirting, etc...

it depends on what the secret is and how close r u to this person.

if the kid wasnt theirs, i'd tell em no matter what...

anything else would depend.

if they wanted you to know, they woulda told you i guess so it might be best to keep it under wraps....
but then again, they could be dying to tell sum1 but just dont know how.... n if u bring it up, it might just change their life in a good way i guess....

then again, i could backfire in ur face n end up being the end of a friendship....

ive never been in this situation n hope i never am......

QUOTE(AYHJA @ Oct 5 2006, 02:55 PM) Getting fresh = Hit On, excessive flirting, etc...

Oh, okay. I've never read or heard that term before.

really??

they say that term in alot of movies.....

o wells, guess we watch different movies.....

QUOTE(cs_cdkey4 @ Oct 6 2006, 06:11 PM) really??

they say that term in alot of movies.....

o wells, guess we watch different movies.....



Which movies in particular??


[ Sorry Ty if this is going off-topic.]

So then, the question is what principle changes from one secret to the next..? To me, the implications are the same...Why would you tell one secret, and not another..?

QUOTE(AYHJA @ Oct 11 2006, 07:23 AM) So then, the question is what principle changes from one secret to the next..? To me, the implications are the same...Why would you tell one secret, and not another..?

The implications don't seem the same to me....I don't know how to explain it, but I'll get around to it.
I guess my difficulty in answering this, proves that I believe that the implications are different for each scenario.