Phoenix Arizona Driving Rules!

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Phoenix Driving Insturctions!

How to Drive in Phoenix

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "FEE-nicks". There are other names to learn such as Ahwatukee
(Ah-wah-TOO-kee) but those will be included in the advanced course.

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to at least match the highway number. Anything less is considered "Wussy".

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, rattlesnakes, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9. The Maricopa Freeway, The Papago Freeway and the "I-10" are the same road. SR202 is the same road as Loop 202 and The Red Mountain Freeway. SR51 is also known as Piestewa Parkway, but no one can pronounce Piestewa so it is still called by its politically incorrect former name, the Squaw Peak Parkway. Dunlap and Olive are the same street.
Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. Loop 101 is also known as the Pima Freeway except when it is west of I-17. I-17 is also The Black Canyon Freeway and The Veterans Memorial Highway. The Loop 303 does not loop anywhere. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd., but Cactus Rd. does not become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you could be shot.

12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.

13. True Phoenicians ALWAYS seek to park in a shady spot, even before the sun has risen, and no matter how far the parking space is from the office/store/restaurant. This is why you will see cars widely scattered around a parking lot instead of clustered in one place; these people arrived early to park in covered spaces or under trees.

14. If the driver stopped in front of you at a red light suddenly opens his passenger door, it is advisable to quickly avert your eyes before he spits out his chewing tobacco.