ADN

Two mice live in a movie studio warehouse and are looking for food. Suddenly one hears the other chewing.

"What did you find?" he asks.

"I am not sure," comes the answer. "It looks like a piece of film celluloid from an old movie. Let me see... Ah, yes. It is from 'Gone with the Wind.'"

"And how is it?"

"Nothing much. The book was better."

Some truth and some fiction. Love stories with a punch line!!

Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you hear, or you are about to repeat a rumor.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell
me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."

"Test of Three?"

"That's correct," Socrates continued.

"Before you talk to me about my student let's take a
moment to test what you're going to say. The first
test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know
if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me
about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me
something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued, "You may still pass though because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell
me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher
and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that
Plato was banging his wife.

Men Are Just Happier People


NICKNAMES
· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
· If Dan , Dave and Kelly go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.

EATING OUT
· When the bill arrives, Dan, Dave and Kelly will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back..
· When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
· A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
· A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
· A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
· The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
· A woman has the last word in any argument.
· Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
· A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
· A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
· A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
· A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
· A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
· A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
· A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
· A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
· Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed..
· Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
· Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
· A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location. The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull! With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs... "Your badge. Show him your BADGE!"

HOLY HUMOR

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly,

"I know what the Bible means!"

His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"

The son replied, "I do know!"

"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"

"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly,

"It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'

Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.



There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord ,"



And there are those who wake up in the morning and say,

"Good Lord, it's morning."

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at that time of night.

The man replies, I am going to a three hour lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body and family life.

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that kind of lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "My wife".

A Jewish businessman in Chicago sent his son to Israel for a year to absorb the culture. When the son returned, he said, "Papa, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity."



"Oy vey," said the father. "What have I done?" He took his problem to his best friend, Ike. "Ike," he said, "I sent my son to Israel, and he came home a Christian. What can I do?"



"Funny you should ask," said Ike. "I too, sent my son to Israel, and he also came home a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi."



So they did, and they explained their problem to the rabbi. "Funny you should ask," said the rabbi. "I, too, sent my son to Israel, and he also came home a Christian. What is happening to our young people?"


And so they all prayed, telling the Lord about their sons.



As they finished their prayer, a voice came from the Heavens: "Funny you should ask," said the Voice. "I, too, sent my Son to Israel...."

This old story out of Texas. Seems a guy makes a rolling stop at
a stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman. Guy hands
the cop his driver's license, insurance verification, plus his
concealed carry permit.

"Okay, Mr. Smith," the cop says, "I see your CCW permit. Are you
carrying today?"

"Yes, I am."

"Well then, better tell me what you got."

Smith says, "Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket.
There's a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And I've got a .22
Magnum derringer in my right boot.

"Okay," the cop says. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, back in the trunk, there's an AR15 and a shotgun.
That's about it."

"Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?"

"Nope."

"Well then, what are you afraid of...?"

"Not a damned thing..."

EYE TEST FOR MEN


Do You see a brunette on the road?
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Lets go closer------Do you still see her


Good , Lets go closer
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OH,S!!!!!
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