ADN

Ok, i'm in a relationship now, and I would like some advice. Pretty much all my relationships haven't lasted too long. The one i'm with now, i feel VERY passionate about. We tell each other. "I love you" all the time. How do you make relationships stand the test of time, if they can?

What is love? How do you know if it's "the one"? Do you guys believe in soul mates? Can you tell if it's the right girl or guy? etc...

Thanks in advance.

Soooo...This is where our man of magic has been all this time...

In love... /:D" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":D" border="0" alt=":D" />

Welcome Back, and what a great way to come back...

I've SLOWLY come to find out that the ideas about love that come down into our brains through osmosis of the enviroment are hardly anything like the reality...

Most of love, especially when it comes to loving another person, is bound to yourself...Can you find it within yourself the patience and understanding to accept a person for who they are..? Most people seem to think that you're supposed to meet a person, and not have to change to make it work...

I think that it is further from the truth...I believe that you have to find peace in solitude, be extremely happy about yourself first, and only then will you find the capacity to love someone unconditionally...It is hard, but ultimately, worth it if you can achieve a peace of mind...

You are young M8, and I wish you luck...But to me, you just have to understand that people will in fact be people...We all have our faults, it's just a matter of what you can live with, and what you can't...You have to explore every possibility, and work hard to put yourself in those situations, kind of like purgatory, if that makes sense...Entrance into heaven through the purification of hell fire...

I'm no expert, and I too have much more to see hopefully, but if you want to go into depth about past relationships, and let the site psychiatrists into your head a little bit, we may be able to help...

/:D" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":D" border="0" alt=":D" />

Asking love advice from a guy who's in his 3rd marriage can be risky, but with that caveat spoken... take it for what it's worth.

To make a relationship last, there needs to be communication between the two of you. I'm not talking about, "How was your day?" sort of stuff, but getting in deep with your feelings and expectations, your dreams and hopes and how they're all panning out. I know it's cliche' to say "communicate", but 9 times out of 10, couples who break up do so because that communication hasn't been happening. The bad needs to be discussed as well as the good. I can tell you that a guy's most feared words are, "Honey, we need to talk." They'll put shivers down his spine because guys generally don't like to talk about their feelings.

Another thing a healthy relationship needs is quality time together. Find things you enjoy to do and spend time doing them together. It can be just about anything, but spend time with your loved one.

Conversely, you also need to spend time apart. Couples that do EVERYTHING together usually don't last. They begin to get on each others' nerves. Everyone needs some private time to get away every once in awhile. You can even do it within the confines of your shared living space, but each person doing their own thing. Better still, though, is to be completely separate for an hour or two. How often this happens varies from couple to couple, but I'd say at least once a week.

Lastly (for now anyway), be devoted to each other. When you're out together, don't be drooling over the next guy or girl you see. I know it's impossible to not look, but at least have the decency to not stare. Be considerate of each other's feelings. Be to them what you want them to be to you.

That's it for now. There's more to it I know, but I just wanted to toss out a few gems to ponder. As to my other qualifications, I have a Masters in Psychology and Counselling, was a professional counselor for over 13 years before I changed careers.

QUOTE(AYHJA)Soooo...This is where our man of magic has been all this time...

In love... /:D" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":D" border="0" alt=":D" />

Welcome Back, and what a great way to come back...

I've SLOWLY come to find out that the ideas about love that come down into our brains through osmosis of the enviroment are hardly anything like the reality...

Most of love, especially when it comes to loving another person, is bound to yourself...Can you find it within yourself the patience and understanding to accept a person for who they are..? Most people seem to think that you're supposed to meet a person, and not have to change to make it work...

I think that it is further from the truth...I believe that you have to find peace in solitude, be extremely happy about yourself first, and only then will you find the capacity to love someone unconditionally...It is hard, but ultimately, worth it if you can achieve a peace of mind...

You are young M8, and I wish you luck...But to me, you just have to understand that people will in fact be people...We all have our faults, it's just a matter of what you can live with, and what you can't...You have to explore every possibility, and work hard to put yourself in those situations, kind of like purgatory, if that makes sense...Entrance into heaven through the purification of hell fire...

I'm no expert, and I too have much more to see hopefully, but if you want to go into depth about past relationships, and let the site psychiatrists into your head a little bit, we may be able to help...

/:D" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":D" border="0" alt=":D" />

Hahaha, well not entirely. I haven't had and still don't have a computer. So I use my mom's and aunt's whenever I can. I don't like using either one of them, because it's dial up. Yeah, dial up.

Anyway, thanks for the advice and I agree entirely. I've changed soooo much, even when we didn't go out. It took quite a long time for her to build up those feelings for me, and I had the choice of just leaving. I didn't, of course and it paid off. Patience paid off. I'm glad I waited. Anyway, i feel like I'm cheating you, so i'll explain more in detail about this whole reltationship in the next post.

Thanks again. =D>

QUOTE(deepdiver32073)Asking love advice from a guy who's in his 3rd marriage can be risky, but with that caveat spoken... take it for what it's worth.

To make a relationship last, there needs to be communication between the two of you.  I'm not talking about, \"How was your day?\" sort of stuff, but getting in deep with your feelings and expectations, your dreams and hopes and how they're all panning out.  I know it's cliche' to say \"communicate\", but 9 times out of 10, couples who break up do so because that communication hasn't been happening.  The bad needs to be discussed as well as the good. I can tell you that a guy's most feared words are, \"Honey, we need to talk.\"  They'll put shivers down his spine because guys generally don't like to talk about their feelings.  

Another thing a healthy relationship needs is quality time together. Find things you enjoy to do and spend time doing them together.  It can be just about anything, but spend time with your loved one.

Conversely, you also need to spend time apart.  Couples that do EVERYTHING together usually don't last.  They begin to get on each others' nerves.  Everyone needs some private time to get away every once in awhile.  You can even do it within the confines of your shared living space, but each person doing their own thing. Better still, though, is to be completely separate for an hour or two.  How often this happens varies from couple to couple, but I'd say at least once a week.

Lastly (for now anyway), be devoted to each other.  When you're out together, don't be drooling over the next guy or girl you see.  I know it's impossible to not look, but at least have the decency to not stare.  Be considerate of each other's feelings. Be to them what you want them to be to you.

That's it for now.  There's more to it I know, but I just wanted to toss out a few gems to ponder.  As to my other qualifications, I have a Masters in Psychology and Counselling, was a professional counselor for over 13 years before I changed careers.

Well, let me just say this is a long distance relationship. I met her on a board, kinda like this. At first we were just internet pals. We talked quite a bit. Got to know each other and kinda fell in love. We kinda know what we look like, but that's ok, because looks isn't that important to either of us. I finally had the balls to ask her for her phone number. and we talked that way. Sometimes only half an hour. Then it builded up to 3-4 hours a night. So communication isn't something we lack. Trust is an important thing for both of us, so I pretty much trust her completely. We both have great respect for one another and we always go into deep conversations. The whole nine yards.

I plan on moving up where she lives in the fall. It will be a good change for me, so it's not like i'm moving JUST for her, although it is the main reason. I also plan on surprising her in August, which is my birthday. I'll pretend that i'm in Cali and talk like it's a regular night, aside from my b-day. Then I'll say something like, "look out your window, please. " She loves surprises. And I hope it follows through. Ohhh, August.

QUOTE
Trust is an important thing for both of us, so I pretty much trust her completely.

You can start discussing "trust" when you spend more time with her, not before that.

QUOTE(x3n)QUOTE
Trust is an important thing for both of us, so I pretty much trust her completely.

You can start discussing \"trust\" when you spend more time with her, not before that.

True, but how much more time?

Soul mate, pfff....

swag=on

"e'ry bitch i e'r ben 'round be sayn das whah I gotta b fo dem...so they caynt jus be one fo each person"

*brushes off shoulders*

swag=off

Just spend time...however much you feel you need to get to know this person, for what she is, not what you see. Talking about trust based on phone convos is idealistic at BEST! (in other words, a little side-effect of infatuation).

True, if you dont actually know the person......trust is almost impossible to achieve. Been there, done that, got burned.

I'm not trying to discourage you in any way, but don't put your entire heart and soul into this person yet.