Whale found stranded in River Thames, London

[lc19732003]

Blair announces national day of mourning for dead whale


Tony Blair today announced a national day of mourning for the bottle-nosed whale which died in the River Thames last week. Mr Blair said the whale had captured the hearts of millions and that it was right and fitting to mourn it's loss.

Tearful members of the public have already begun queueing at the special book of condolence set up for 'Wally The Whale', with some bringing small teddies and bunches of flowers which they hope to later throw on Wally's coffin when the funeral cortege passes through Central London en route to the beloved animal's final resting place.

One tearful insurance receptionist - who had quit her job to travel to London where she kept a candlelit vigil beside Tower Bridge - told reporters: "It was the people's whale; the Princess of Whales."

Her 12-year-old son, waving a 47-page pullout on the death of Wally which was published in a special memorial issue of the Daily Mirror, said that he was too upset to go to school after the whale died. There was anger evident at Buckingham Palace, where an unruly mob of shouting people had gathered to berate the Queen for not lowering the Union Flag in memory of tragic Wally.

Many visibly-shattered members of the public told the assembled press that they hadn't yet come to terms with the death of the whale they had come to love as if it were a member of their own families. "Just shock, really, that's all I can say at the moment," said one tearful fashion designer. "Disbelief, total disbelief," said another female, who told reporters that she would be taking a month off work to come to terms with the tragedy.

"Elton John's gonna do the funeral," said one teenage girl as she choked back tears. "His song 'Goodbye England's Rose' will be the perfect tribute for Wally."

A female headteacher from south London said that her school would be setting up a Wally memorial water-feature fund. "It'll be a symbolic watercourse representing the whale's life from birth to tragically premature death," she said.

Sir Bob Geldof and U2 singer Bono are set to announce plans for a special rock concert at the new Wembley stadium this summer to raise awareness of the plight of African whales and the threat they face from hunting. "We need to swing the balance away from commercial whaling towards conservation," said Bono. An enraged Sir Bob told a Sky News team: "There are thousands dying NOW. Just give us your 'effing money."

New Labour spin doctors have urged the Prime Minister to be photographed beside Wally the Whale's memorial water-feature once it has been completed. "If Tony, Cherie and the kids could be pictured sobbing into handkerchiefs I'm sure our poll ratings would go up," said Alistair Campbell.

"We should have exploited Wally's death more than we did," said Mr Campbell. "Last week would have been the perfect time to bury our bad news with the world's media descending on the Thames. We should have taken the opportunity to bury this month's crime figures which show an 11% rise in violent crime. It wouldn't have got a mention on the 10 o'clock news with there being such a focus on the whale."

David Cameron, meanwhile, told members of his Tory Shadow Cabinet team that it was vital they all attended the special Wally funeral service in London. "We need to show that we've changed and have become a new caring compassionate Conservative Party," he said.

Not all Tories agreed with Mr Cameron's approach though. Veteran Tory right-winger Lord Tebbit said the Government should order a public inquiry into how the whale got into the River Thames. "It's just another example of our lax national borders," he fumed. "We've already got enough big foreign beasts roaming around central London without having another one. We need to tighten up our security," he said.

[raum]

What a silly and ignorant specimen of liberal nonsense. Pity the conservatives have to try and exploit it for their numbers. I think I favor the concern for national security through the Thames.

As for the save the Whale U2/Geldoff cult... I would just laugh at them and publicly ridicule them. What a bunch of tools...

FACTS:

* This Northern Bottlenose whale was endemic to deep waters Waters, in the northern Atlantic region. It has a fellow member of its species called the Southern bottlenose whale, which has never been endangered. * The Conservation risk of the northern Bottlenose Whale is "Drastically Low," and has been "safely underestimated" in the order of 10,000. No nation currently hunts these animals, since Norway stopped in 1973.

* There is no threat to the number of Southern Bottlenose Whales, found around the tip of South Africa. There is thought to be a global population in excess of 500,000, which populate southern waters all the way from Antartica to Brazil and the tip of Southern Africa. In fact, Africa does not forbid whaling, but instead resists Japan's desires for whale hunting rights, and offers to set up large scale whale meat trade,.. and they continualy testify to Whale conservatory efforts worldwide that the revenue pulled from whale-watching tourism greatly exceeds any profits they could hope to gain from harvesting whale meat.

* There is no such thing as an "African Whale." There is an African Whale Shark, found in the east near Kenya. These are caught commercially under regulation, but they are still plentiful enough to never have been on the endangered species listings,.. but there is a existing trust fund on their behalf, justin case. It is registered and and operates in concert with the goevernment of Kenya. There is not, nor has there ever been a dangerously large contribution to whale endangerment from Africa. Japan and Norway are the current largest contributors.


If you claim to have respect for nature, and want to promote the beauty of nature,.. actually stop counting your *donations* long enough to learn what the fuck you are talking about.

I'm starting my own foundation. The Coalition to Save Liberal Brain Cells

QUOTE"There are thousands dying NOW. Just give us your 'effing money.",

raum

[deepdiver32073]

:salute:

[lc19732003]

Sorry Raum, it was a piss-take on the way we Brits tend to over-react with incidents like this!!!

But don't rule out a late charge from Bono and that other sanctimonious pillock, Sting. That's if he's not too busy trying to save the rain forests still...........

[AYHJA]

QUOTE(lc19732003)Sorry Raum, it was a piss-take on the way we Brits tend to over-react with incidents like this!!!

ROTFL...My thoughts exactly, the minute I saw, "Elton John is doing the funeral.." You definitely know its an overreaction when EJ is called in to sing you into the underworld...

[lc19732003]

QUOTE(AYHJA)QUOTE(lc19732003)Sorry Raum, it was a piss-take on the way we Brits tend to over-react with incidents like this!!!

ROTFL...My thoughts exactly, the minute I saw, "Elton John is doing the funeral.." You definitely know its an overreaction when EJ is called in to sing you into the underworld...

Yep ......just when you thought things couldn't get any worse................

[raum]

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the Thames
Never knowing where to swim to
When the tide set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your whale burned out long before
Your brain cells ever did

what a friggin pun-master am I?

[deepdiver32073]

... and the Grammy for Best Satirical Remake goes to <drum roll> Raum!!! =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D>

[lc19732003]

Quality Raum!

[raum]

psst, lemme tell you a secret.

*sir* ELTON JOHN BLOWS!!!

...just ask David Bowie.