Larry and Bob wanted to go out drinking, but they only had $2.00 between them.
Larry said, "Hang on, I have an idea."
He went next door to the butcher's shop and spent the $2.00 on one large sausage.
Bob said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"
Larry replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."
They went into the pub where Larry immediately ordered two double shots of JackDaniels.
Bob said, "Now you've lost it! Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money to pay for this!"
Larry replied, with a smile, "Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers!"
& they downed their drinks.
Larry said "OK! I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you get on your knees and put it in your mouth."
Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth bar, Bob said, "Larry - I don't think I can do this anymore. My mouth is sore! and my knees are killing me!"
Larry said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage at the third bar!
The Official AF Joke Thread
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Skinny Bastard
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AYHJA
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iMNO
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deepdiver32073
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iMNO
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So this guy gets home from work and says, "Honey I won the lottery...pack your bags!" To which she responds, "What should I pack for, the beach, the mountains...what?"
He says, "I don't care, just get out!!"
He says, "I don't care, just get out!!"
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Bot
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deepdiver32073
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Shipwrecked
A redneck, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island. After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun set. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the redneck. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the redneck took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the redneck had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the redneck started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear... "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"
A redneck, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island. After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun set. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the redneck. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the redneck took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the redneck had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the redneck started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear... "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"
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deepdiver32073
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Church Gossip
Myrtle, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of
Myrtle's house...walked home...and left it there all night.
You gotta love George
Myrtle, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of
Myrtle's house...walked home...and left it there all night.
You gotta love George
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trashtalkr
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lmao....George is awesome
"If there were no eternal consciousness in a man, if at the bottom of everything there were only a wild ferment, a power that twisting in dark passions produced everything great or inconsequential; if an unfathomable insatiable emptiness lay hid beneath everything, what would life be but despair?"
Soren Kierkegaard
Soren Kierkegaard
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southern_belle
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