The Favorite FAMILY GUY Quote Thread

#1

I've got a lot on my mind so here it goes:

Brian: I think I'm in love.

Peter: Oh my God!!!... You can talk!!!
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Brian: Shouldn't you drop the gifts off now?

Peter: I dropped them all off yesterday.

Brian: "All"? Only one was supposed to go to charity.

Peter: They all said "from" the family.

Brian: No, they said "for" the family.

Peter: Aw crap! When did they change the meaning of "from" to "for"?

Brian: They had a meeting about it last night.

Peter: How come nobody tells me about these things?

Brian: Well the card said "FOR Peter" and you probably thought it was "FROM" you. So, maybe you thought... you know what, it's just easier to call you stupid.
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Stewie being interviewed talking about Lois.

Stewie: About that killing thing: It's not that I want to KILL her, I just don't want her LIVING... anymore.
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Brian: The last plague is the death of your first-born son.

Peter: Oh no!!! Stewie!!!

Brian: Your "FIRST-BORN" son.

Peter: Meg!!!

Brian: Your wife.

Peter: Chris!!!

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Chris (after being crushed by a statue): I see a bright light.

Peter: That's good son. Walk toward the light.

Lois: No Chris!!! Walk away!!!
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Peter: I know about this stuff. I read about it in a book once.

Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't NOTHING?

Peter: Oh yeah.
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#2

(Peter, as a child, is in a museum)

Peter: Why did all the dinosaurs die out?

Professor: Because you touch yourself at night.

#3

Peter: Holy crip, he's a crapple!

Bot · #4

Stewie: I'm sorry. That's never happened before.
Co-worker: What? The 8 seconds of sex or the 40 minutes of crying afterwards?

Little Girl: But mister, I need real money. I can't take a credit card
Peter: Oh, I see. Cash only, eh, eh. No paper trail, huh. What are you selling? Reefer, crack, smack, horse, ex, shrooms, dust, meth? In my neighbourhood? I don't think so!

Lost Ghost · #5

lmao...i love this show.

#6

Peter (after Lois tells him he's childish): "If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if i'm going stand here and take this from a pervert."

Peter (narrating his life): "I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I'd never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I had begun to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with the long fatigue of a weary life. (Lois knocks Peter out.)
I woke several hours later in a daze."

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Peter: Don't worry Chris. Sometimes it's good not to fit in. (Flashback to Veitnam)
Peter (dressed in a clown suit): You guys are stupid. Their gonna be looking for army people.

Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?

And..

Peter: (Grabs the microphone at a fast food restaurant) Attention restaurant customers: Testicles. That is all.

#7

Brian: Hola! Um...me, me llamo es Brian. Ahh, uh, um lets see, uh, nosotros queremos ir con ustedes.
Mexican: Hey that was pretty good. But actually when you said, "Me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es." Just, "Me llamo Brian."
Brian: Oh, you speak English.
Mexican: No just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You...you're kidding right?
Mexican: Que?

"Alright but you owe me. Later tonight, I get anal. (pause) No matter how clean I want the house you have to clean it."

FBI AGENT #1: Well, I'm going to go draw boobs on the etch-a-sketch.
FBI AGENT #2: Go ahead. They always come out square, anyway.

"What's Lois doing in a diner? I already ate."
"Maybe she's a whore...you know, like on weekends...to pay for her mother's dialysis...like in my fantasy...you know what, let's start over...Hi, I'm Quagmire!"

#8

(Peter, as a child, is in a museum)

Peter: Why did all the dinosaurs die out?

Professor: Because you touch yourself at night.

ROFL!!