The Official AF Joke Thread

#81

husband shoppng and the floors?? elaborate, please...

#82

A couple had only been married for two weeks, the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to havea beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... But at the bar.. You know... They have frozen glasses... "

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.

"But my sweet honey... At the bar.... You know there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."

"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP SHIT-FOR-BRAINS! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR FUCKING HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT CRAP IS OVER, GOT IT, NUMBNUTS?" . . .

. . . . . And, they lived happily ever after.

Isn't that a sweet story?

#83

OMG... TFF.... I'm going to be chuckling all day....
Thankd for the laugh, DD!

#84

ahh, young love...

#85

I picture you and Andrew like that.

#86

hmmmm, probably!

#87

Australian First Aid

A woman sitting in an Adelaide restaurant suddenly began to cough. After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress,and two locals, Kenzie and Brian sitting at the next table turned to look at her. "Kin ya swaller?" asked Kenzie. The woman signalled 'No!' desperately shaking her head. "Kin ya breathe?" asked Brian. The woman shook her head 'No!!!' With that, Kenzie walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress, yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her bum. This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again. Kenzie swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer. Brian said in admiration "Ya know Kenzie, I'd heard of that bloody Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it."

#88

R O F L C D R L M F A O ..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#89

omg...

#90

A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.

The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him,
"What's your IQ?"

The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about
global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry,
environmental interconnectedness, string theory, and nano-technology.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He
decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and
comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the
perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man responds, "about a 100."

Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football,
NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, and guns.

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot
one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks,
"What's your IQ?"

The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."

And the robot says... r e a l slowly.. "So............... ya gonna
vote for Bush again?