A couple of funnies....

[RIMFIRE]

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.

Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine" asked the lawyer?

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question? Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine!"?

Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said "How are you feeling?"

†™‚¢‚¢¢¢¬…¡‚¬¢‚¬¦¢¢¬…œNow

what the hell would you say?"

[RIMFIRE]

I used to have a Labrador retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina
at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I
had a dog(?).

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina
Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the
hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a tall, black guy who was behind
her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been
sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought the
black guy was going to have to stagger out the door.

[AYHJA]

ROFL....

[Skinny Bastard]

Nice way to start the day... Thanks Rimfire!

[trashtalkr]

lol...those are great Rim. Thanks!

[Deepak]

haha thats some awesome stuff man. LMAO

[deepdiver32073]

I'd heard the first one (still laughed my balls off) but the second one has everyone in my house thinking I've totally lost my mind because I burst out laughing out loud. real loud.