The Official AF Joke Thread

#161

LMAO at bj revenge

What Do You Do All Day?

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their
pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room, the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed upstairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside, he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her
pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!!"

Priceless!!!!!

#162

Three Nuns were talking in the hallway one day. The first Nun said to the others, "I was cleaning Father Jacob's room the other day and I found pornographic magazines in his dresser!"

"Oh my God! What did you do?" the others asked.

"I threw them in the incinerator of course." she said with a look of accomplishment.

The second Nun spoke up, "If you think that's bad, I was cleaning his room a couple of weeks ago and found unopened condoms!"

"That's horrible! Did you throw them out?" the others asked.

"No! I took a pin and poked a bunch of holes in them all!" she said proudly.

The third Nun fainted!

#163

nice guys, keep em comin...

#164

WHAT IF CONDOMS HAD CORPORATE SPONSORS?

Folger Condoms: Good to the last drop.

Nike Condoms: Just do it.

Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one baby.

Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.

Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.

Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but pH balanced for a women.

Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.

Chevy Condoms: Like a rock

Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?

Lotto Condoms: Cause hey ---- you never know.

California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?

Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.

Eveready Condoms: Keeps going and going .....

Coca Cola Condoms: Always the real thing.

Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.

Campbell's Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good.

Nature Valley Condoms: The condoms nature intended.

Pontiac Condoms: We build excitement.

Microsoft Condoms: Where do you want to go today?

Arch Deluxe Condoms: The condom with the grown up taste.

M&M's Condoms: Melts in your mouth not in your hands.

VW Condoms: Drivers wanted.

GE Condoms: We bring good things to life.

#165

A Little Rabbit is running happily through the woods when he comes across a Giraffe rolling a joint. He runs up the Giraffe and says, "Hey, Giraffe. You shouldn't do that. Think of your health. You should come running in the woods instead!" The Giraffe looks at the Little Rabbit, looks at the spliff, shrugs his shoulders, tosses the joint over his shoulder and runs off through the wood with the Little Rabbit.

After a while the Giraffe and the Rabbit come across an Elephant about to do a line of Coke. The Rabbit says, "Oh, Elephant you really shouldn't do that. You should come running with us in the wood. It is much better for you." The Elephant looks at the Rabbit looks at the line of Charlie, shrugs his shoulders, then runs off through the wood with the Giraffe and the Rabbit.

Shortly they come across a Bear about to shoot up heroin. The Rabbit runs up to him and says, "Hey, Bear, you shouldn't do that, think of your health. You'd be better of running in the woods with us." The Bear looks at the Rabbit, looks at the syringe, spoon and stuff, shrugs his shoulders, kicks the whole lot away and runs off with the Rabbit, the Giraffe and the Elephant.

After a while they come across a Tiger drinking his way through a six pack of beer. The Rabbit runs up to the Tiger and says, "Hey Tiger, you really shouldn't d that." and the Tiger immediately jumps up and starts beating the living crap out of the Rabbit. The Giraffe grabs the Tiger and pulls him off the Rabbit and says, "What the hell are you doing, man?" The Tiger gets one more kick in and says, "Ah, that little fucker really pisses me off; he always makes me run around the bloody woods when he's on Ecstasy!"

#166

dalkfj;ldsjfk;aldjf;lakdjf;ladkjf;lajf;ladkjf;ldasjf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn, Deepak, that last joke was really funny man...All these jokes are great, this is one of the best threads on the site man...

#167

^^ I agree! I don't add shit to this thread, but it is one of the best here. How the hell do you guys remenber all these jokes?

#168

Damn this is the best damn thread ever. I have gone through and read the jokes a few times. Pretty hillarious stuff.

About how we remember these jokes, I just post them as I come acrross them.

#169

Upset Wife.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love
to a very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset!

"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me
- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I
want an divorce straight away!"

And he replied:
"Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened"

"Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll
say to me!"

And he began:
"Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady
here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless
that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she
was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.

She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I
brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last
night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she
was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I
threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer
jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they
are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present,
which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you
don't wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at
the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair
like them.."

He took a quick breath and continued:
"She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her
to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said
"Please........do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

#170