Driving Shitfaced: Everybody’s Doing It!

[Buffmaster]

Driving Shitfaced: Everybody¢¢¬¢ž¢s Doing It!


What amazes us is how Lohan's managed to stay off this list, despite getting in multiple accidents and being drunk and high 24/7.

Apparently the must-have Hollywood accessory this holiday season is a DUI. Early this morning, Nicole Richie was pulled over for driving her SUV the wrong freakin¢¢¬¢ž¢ way on Burbank¢¢¬¢ž¢s 134 Freeway. Even more terrifying, the cops list her vital stats officially at 5′1″, 85 pounds. No, there isn¢¢¬¢ž¢t a number missing there. She does in fact weight less than a mid-sized golden retriever, with at least 50% of the sex appeal. Of course, this calls for a quick run-down of our recent crop of drunk-ass celebs¢¢¬‚¦

Nicole Richie
Libation of choice: Vicodin and pot
Where and when: On the 134 Freeway in Burbank, CA, early Monday morning (she was booked at 4:50 am)
How¢¢¬¢ž¢d they know: Other motorists (no doubt driving to work) spotted her driving the wrong way and called 911. She was pulled over shortly thereafter in the carpool lane.
Consequences: Pending. She was released this morning.

Rip Torn
Libation of choice: unknown
Where and when: North Salem, New York, on December 3
How¢¢¬¢ž¢d they know: Ramming into another vehicle makes it kind of obvious. Cops were called to the scene, the 75 year-old Torn refused to take a blood alcohol test, and he was taken into custody by police.
Consequences: The case is still pending, but if he was able to get out of his 2004 DUI despite this videotaped drunken rant of him calling the cops ¢¢¬…œfucking assholes,¢¢¬‚ chances are he¢¢¬¢ž¢ll skate on this one too.

Prison Break¢¢¬¢ž¢s Lane Garrison
Libation of choice: Seven shots of Grey Goose vodka (he reportedly left the party to go get more Grey Goose, refusing to sully himself with the Absolut they had on-hand), plus an earlier margarita.
Where and when: Beverly Hills, CA, the night of December 2
How¢¢¬¢ž¢d they know: The Land Rover he was driving crossed a median and wrapped itself around a tree.
Consequences: The case is pending, but one of his passengers, a 17 year-old boy, was killed, and two 15 year-old girls were injured. Garrison reportedly has no recollection of the accident, and his lawyer claims that his Land Rover had been having ¢¢¬…œalignment problems¢¢¬‚ that can apparently only be corrected by consuming massive amounts of alcohol.

Danny DeVito
Libation of choice: ¢¢¬…œToo many limoncello shots to count¢¢¬‚ while out dining with George Clooney
Where and when: OK, to be fair, he wasn¢¢¬¢ž¢t driving a car¢¢¬¢‚¬only Rosie¢¢¬¢ž¢s O¢¢¬¢ž¢Donnell¢¢¬¢ž¢s supple lap on The View the next morning, November 29.
How¢¢¬¢ž¢d they know: If the fact that he eagerly plopped down in Rosie¢¢¬¢ž¢s lap wasn¢¢¬¢ž¢t a giveaway, maybe the repeated profanity he let slip during the broadcast made it obvious the little dwarf was drunk.
Consequences: After calling Barbara Walters to apologize, it seems that there¢¢¬¢ž¢s no ill effect on DeVito¢¢¬¢ž¢s ¢¢¬…œcareer¢¢¬‚¢¢¬¢‚¬he¢¢¬¢ž¢s even been invited back on the show. But Rosie O¢¢¬¢ž¢Donnell has provoked some anger from asian-American groups who claim a joke that she made on the show (she said DeVito¢¢¬¢ž¢s appearance made headlines in China that read, ¢¢¬…œChing Chong, ching chong Danny DeVito¢¢¬‚) was racist, demanding she also stop saying they put pee-pee in her coke.

Tracy Morgan
Libation of choice: Admitted he had been drinking beer at a club
Where and when: Morgan¢¢¬¢ž¢s Cadillac Escalade was pulled over on Manhattan¢¢¬¢ž¢s Henry Hudson Parkway at 4:38 am on November 28
How¢¢¬¢ž¢d they know: Cops spotted Morgan driving erratically, ¢¢¬…œunable to maintain a position in a lane of traffic,¢¢¬‚ and pulled him over, where they discovered he had bloodshot eyes and alcohol on his breath.
Consequences: Morgan was charged with DWI¢¢¬¢‚¬and since he¢¢¬¢ž¢s currently on probation for a DUI in Los Angeles, he faces a possible year of jail time. Although he was offered a plea-bargain that would mean no time behind bars here in New York, Morgan has turned it down (some complicated legal maneuvering about admitting to an illegal act and therefore violating his parole). He¢¢¬¢ž¢s due in court January 4.

George Michael
Libation of choice: Weed, aged beef
Where and when: Michael was arrested in North London with marijuana in his car at 3:22 am on October 1
How¢¢¬¢ž¢d they know: After receiving complaints that Michael¢¢¬¢ž¢s car was blocking an intersection, cops arrived to find the singer asleep, slumped over the steering wheel of his BMW.
Consequences: Apparently the Brits are a bit more lenient with this sort of thing (or they just love their crazy drunk gay uncle George Michael), as he was given a warning for the weed possession and released on bail for being unfit to drive. This, despite the fact that he¢¢¬¢ž¢s done this sort of thing before: In April, Michael hit three cars with his Rnage Rover and fled the scene of the accident. In February, he was also found asleep in his car with pot and liquid X. No charges were filed in either incident.

Paris Hilton
Libation of choice: Claims she only had one drink¢¢¬¢‚¬a margartia¢¢¬¢‚¬but on an expectedly empty stomach
Where and when: Her Mercedes McLaren SLR was pulled over by cops in Beverly Hills on September 7
How¢¢¬¢ž¢d they know: Cops spotted her driving ¢¢¬…œerratically,¢¢¬‚ but Hilton claims this was because she was in a rush to get to In-N-Out burger because she was ¢¢¬…œstarving.¢¢¬‚
Consequences: Charged with DUI on Spetember 26 for having a blood alcohol level of .08, Hilton has not yet gone to trial. The offense carries a maximum sentence of six months in jail, but since she¢¢¬¢ž¢s Paris Hilton, she¢¢¬¢ž¢ll get probation at worst.

Mel Gibson
Libation of choice: Tequila
Where and when: Pulled over on the Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu, CA, the morning of July 28
How¢¢¬¢ž¢d they know: He was pulled over going 87 in a 45 with an open botle of tequila in the car, and was noticably tanked. But maybe it was when he starting screaming at arresting Deputy James Mee about the evils of the Jews. Or when he thretened to get even with every officer back at the precinct. Or when he called a female officer Sugar Tits.
Consequences: Since the arrest, Gibson has been continuously blasted in the press while he privately went through rehab for alcoholism¢¢¬‚¦and his latest opus, Apocalypto, which features no actors anyone has ever heard of and is filmed entirely in ancient Mayan, opened in the #1 spot at last weekend¢¢¬¢ž¢s box office. The deputy who arrested Gibson, meanwhile, has been the target of an internal investigation into the arrest and how reports of what really happened leaked to the media.

Haley Joel Osment
Libation of choice: Booze and pot
Where and when: Suburban Los Angeles, around 1:00 am on July 20
How¢¢¬¢ž¢d they know: Well, young Haley had kind of run into a brick pillar and flipped his 1995 Saturn (yes, you read that right¢¢¬¢‚¬apparently Sixth Sense residulas aren¢¢¬¢ž¢t so great), breaking a rib and injuring his shoulder.
Consequences: Although initially charged with ¢¢¬…œdriving with a .08 blood alcohol level or higher, with an enhancement of driving with a .15 or higher¢¢¬‚ and ¢¢¬…œwith the infraction of driving under the age of 21 with a blood alcohol level of .05 or higher,¢¢¬‚ the 18 year-old Osment was able to plead no contest to one count of driving under the influence of alcohol and one count of possession of marijuana and was sentenced to three years probation and a $1,500 fine, plus 60 hours of rehab and six months of AA meetings.

Daniel Baldwin
Libation of choice: unknown, as Baldwin¢¢¬¢ž¢s been known to take anything offered to him (but our money¢¢¬¢ž¢s on Thunderbird)
Where and when: Los Angeles, July 19
How¢¢¬¢ž¢d they know: Baldwin was pulled over at 1:00 in the afternoon¢¢¬¢‚¬afternoon!¢¢¬¢‚¬after weaving through traffic, running a red light, then slamming into two parked cars at 80 mph, including a Hummer that was thrown 20 feet. All of this was done in a rented Thunderbird on a suspended license after getting busted for cocaine back in March.
Consequences: Despite briefly making his way back into the news with this wreck, Daniel Baldwin (best known for his role as Druggie Baldwin, as opposed to Sexual Harassment Baldwin, Religious Fanatic Baldwin, Obesity Baldwin, and Baldwin with Kung Fu Grip) immediately faded back into total obscurity.

[Buffmaster]

'Good Will Hunting' director arrested

December 22, 2006

PORTLAND, Oregon (AP) -- Filmmaker Gus Van Sant, whose credits include "Finding Forrester" and "Drugstore Cowboy," has been arrested here on a drunken driving charge, police said.

Sgt. Brian Schmautz, Portland Police Bureau spokesman, said Van Sant, 54, was arrested at 1:48 a.m. Thursday. A breath test showed a blood-alcohol level of 0.19 percent, Schmautz said. That's more than twice the state limit, 0.08 percent.

An officer saw that the headlights on Van Sant's vehicle weren't on, Schmautz said. Van Sant, who lives in Portland, had bloodshot eyes and slurred speech, smelled of alcohol and failed the sobriety tests, Schmautz said.

Calls to his film company seeking comment were not immediately returned.

Van Sant also directed "My Own Private Idaho" and "Good Will Hunting." Several of his films have been set in Oregon, including "Elephant," about a high-school shooting, which won the top prize at the Cannes Film Festival in 2003. He has been filming "Paranoid Park" in and around the city.