The Official AF Joke Thread

[deepdiver32073]

An American is having breakfast, in Paris , one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"

American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France , we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The American listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

American: "Of Course."

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to the states."

After a moment of silence, The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France ?"

Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.

American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

American: "We don't. In America , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France."

[deepdiver32073]

The Female Genie

While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the sand &picked it up.


Suddenly, a female Genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?"


Osama responded, "You ignorant, unworthy Daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything."


The shocked Genie said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."


Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said, "Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you."


The annoyed Genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared.


The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton at his side.


His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.

[AYHJA]

cDR..! Great stuff DD...

[AYHJA]

A blind man enters a Lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while the blind guy yells to the bartender: "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?'

A deathly silence transcends the bar. In a deep, husky, menacing voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6'2” tall, 225lb blonde with a black belt in Karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man pauses to think, and says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

[5829]

What those bra size 'letters' mean ...

A for Almost there
B for Barely boobs
C for Can live with these
D for Damn good
E for Enormous
F for FAKE!

[Deepak]

God created the donkey


and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset
carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"
God granted his wish.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God created the dog


and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.
You will be a dog. "
The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years.
" God granted his wish.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God created the monkey


and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live
20 years. "
The monkey answered:
"To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."
God granted his wish.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally God created man ...

and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."

Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only
20 years is very little,
give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,
the 15 years that the dog did not want and
the 10 years the monkey refused.
" God granted man's wish


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And since then, man lives
20 years as a man ,

marries and spends
30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That's Life.

Is'nt it ??????????

[ruffriders23]

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play house?"

He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?" The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your thoughts." "Communicate my thoughts?" said a bewildered Tommy. " I have no idea what that means."

The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."

[Buffmaster]

Criss does this one really awesome trick whenever he’s out on a date. It’s absolutely amazing. What he does is this: He takes a girl out for drinks at some fancy club. They start a conversation then, all of sudden, she wakes up in a hotel room – and Criss Angel is having sex with her! WOW! How does he do that? He truly is the Mindfreak.

[ruffriders23]

At the end of the school year a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her class. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it and said, "I bet I know what it is; Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said, "but, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," the teacher replied.

The next student was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift, shook it and said, "I bet I can guess what it is; A box of sweets." "That's right said the little girl, but how did you know?" "Oh, I've been around for many years," said the teacher proudly.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held he package, but it was leaking so she grabbed a drop off the leaking contents with her finger and put it on her tongue for a taste test. "Is it wine?" the teacher asked. "NOPE," the boy replied, with some excitement.

The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leaking package. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "NO MA'AM," he replied, with even more excitement!

The teacher with all her knowledge finally took one more big taste before admitting, "I give up. What is it?"

With a giant grin the boy replied, “SURPRISE, It's a puppy!"

[WiseOldElf]

After a long day at work, a man comes home to find his wife packing up a couple of suitcases. Curious as to her odd behavior he asks her what is going on.

"I've had it. I'm going to Las Vegas. I have just found out that there are women there who make $400 a night doing for strangers what I do to you for free!" She replied.

"Oh... OK" the man nodded with a slightly confused expression, and left the room without anything further to say.

About a half an hour later, just as the wife was finishing her packing, the man walks in to their room and begins packing his own bags. "What do you think you're doing", demanded the wife.

"I'm going to Vegas, too" answered the man, "I just have to see for myself how someone can live off from $800 a year"