The Official AF Joke Thread

[5829]

Three little boys were concerned
Because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been baptized
And didn't go to Sunday School .
So they went to the nearest Church.
But, only the Janitor was there
One little boy said,
'We need to be baptized
Because no one will come out and play with us.
Will you baptize us?'
'Sure,' said the Janitor.
He took them into the bathroom
And dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl,
One at a time.
Then he said, 'You are now baptized!'
When they got outside,
One of them asked,
'What religion do you think we are?'
The oldest one said,
'We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on you.'
'We're not Babtits, because they dunk all of you in the water.'
'We're not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle water on you.'
The littlest one said,
'Didn't you smell that water?!'
They all joined in asking,
'Yeah! What do you think that means?'
'I think it means we're Pisscopailians.

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A truck driver was driving along a freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The officer gets out of his car and walks up to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, Got stuck, HUH?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas!"

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A nude woman was looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's **** near perfect."
He never heard the Shot...........

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The cop got out of his car and the kid who was speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

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A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

[5829]

Hey waiter, my coffee tastes like mud!
Yes sir, It's fresh ground.

So the penguin walks into the bar and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?"
The bartender says, "What was he wearing?"

Where do Belly Dancers learn to dance?
At the Navel Academy

Do you know why people say "Break a leg" to someone about to perform?
So they can go to the cast party.

Did you hear about the angry fly on the toilet bowl?
It got pissed off.

What is the difference between a political caucus and a cactus?
On a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.

So the cannibal goes into a cannibal restaurant. He’s looking at the menu:
Tourist: $10
Missionary: $12
Native: $8
Explorer: $15
Member of Congress: $200
The waiter comes by and the cannibal asks, “Nice selection, but why does a member of Congress cost so much?”
The waiter answers, “Since they are so full of crap it takes all morning to clean them out.”

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Wooden Shoe
Wooden Shoe Who?
Wooden Shoe like to know!

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Cow's go..
Cow's go who?
No, silly, cow's go moo!

[AYHJA]

Those are great 5829...!

[Skinny Bastard]

[Skinny Bastard]

I know we have some new parents here.... and some who are likely to become so... horny bastards....
So here is a little guide on how to (and how not to) take care of a baby.
You may find it funny to read, but this must be taken very seriously. You could print the images and bundle them to a little book that you could hold in your pocket just to be sure.

Enjoy!! say thanks if you like it or find it useful....

[Skinny Bastard]

[Skinny Bastard]

[5829]

So that's what I have been doing wrong. :oops: Thanks for the lesson.

[Skinny Bastard]

So that's what I have been doing wrong. :oops: Thanks for the lesson.

CDR!

OK, I have to ask... which one or ones were you doing wrong? LMAO

[5829]

Oh various ones at various times. Like lifting, shopping, washing, playing, calming, pets, bed, babysitter, containing, ...