Into Your Own

#1

I was talking to a young man yesterday that I took in as my younger brother back in the day...He asked me a rather perplexing question, and I thought that I would ask it here...

How do you know you have come into your own as a man/woman..? What is that line you cross when you finally know you're grown..? We toss alot of ideas and thoughts and words around here, and some are seasoned with experience and knowledge that only come with time and occasion...I realize that some of our younger members may not feel that way, but please by all means speculate...Shit, some of our older members may not feel that way...But I thought it would be interesting to share...

Someone..? Anyone..?

Lost Ghost · #2

I feel I've been blessed with grown mentality and maturity way before I should have.

I'm 16 and feel grown already.

Lost Ghost · #3

I'm critical....

this is just coming from the last couple threads where you yelling at me for being blunt and shit....I am blunt....sugarcoating shit does nothing.

People aren't nice...and if you're nice to everyone and expect everyone to be nice back....it won't work and you'll get fucked over.

Keeping a critical eye out at first....erasing sugarcoated garbage and getting down to it...you find out who your friends are...what people really think...and you get away from fickle feelings and lies.

As a Certain someone I know would say (and I love you, dont take this personal) "you're closing too many doors!"

Nah, I'm not...what I'm doing is keeping the door closed and allowing the other person to open it.....and if they don't...I'd open it myself...peer in...and close it. I'm just saving some time..

(If you didn't get the extended metaphor.....dont bother to comment on it, k?)

Sorry if this is the wrong place to drop this.......I just felt it when you said to me in the other thread something like "I'm learning waht you're like...blunt and never explaining or backing up anything you say"

#4

I think there are several lines one crosses on the road to maturity/adulthood.

Line 1: Taking care of yourself. If you're still living with mama and not providing for the welfare of the house, you ain't there yet. I've know 30 somethings still living at home and sucking the life out of everything around them. Time to grow up, take care of yourself, and contribute to society. To our younger members who don't have the age/ability/education (and I'm not putting that down, please!) to get out on their own yet, I suggest you look at yourself and see what you contribute to the family. It may not be monetary, but there are things that need to be done around a home that would be greatly appreciated if you take it upon yourself to do it.

Line 2: Taking care of your own. As the saying goes, any man can be a father, it takes a REAL man to be a Daddy. Whether or not you end up getting married and having kids, a mature person will look out for, provide for, and protect his "own". Be responsible for and to your loved ones. I even expand this concept to pets because if you're going to have a dog/cat/gerbil, they depend on you to take care of them; so do it! (Watching too much Animal Cops on Animal Planet). I know singles who are responsible to their close friends. They've created a "family" among themselves.

Line 3: Taking care of others. The next line that one crosses in the road to maturity is the realization that this is a small world. What you do affects countless others in ways you'll never know. Thinking ahead and surveying the consequences of your actions reflects another level of maturity that goes beyond self and family. When you consider the effects of your actions on others outside of your own relatives, you are expanding your consciousness to include your brothers and sisters of the human race. There are often sub-steps in this as you expand it to include those of your nationality, then perhaps of your language group, then finally to all on this tiny planet.

This is my take on things. Others may have and probably do have a different opinion. Each of these lines is "fuzzy" when it comes to ages. A 40 year old who lives by himself, but has no responsibility to anyone around him has, in my view, stagnated in his journey. He is no longer maturing because he is only satisfied with himself. Maturity, like life is a journey; you've got to keep moving if you want to see all the sights.

#5

Ok, nobody is grown at 16..

Think how much you have changed from age 13 to 16. It is only ignorant to think that no more change will occur in just the same span from 16-19. Maybe not as much, but some WILL occur.

Nothing wrong with being blunt, is being blunt and appearing that way cuz you don't back shit up.

I think being grown means payin bills, being able to commit and follow thru/stick to ur word, and being totally aware of what others think but not letting it affect you negatively (as in how others view you)..also low stress levels can indicate maturity imo but that is more personality-based. I'm sure there's more but that's all I can think of right now standing in the airport check in line lol..

#6

QUOTE(Aemeth)Ok, nobody is grown at 16..

Think how much you have changed from age 13 to 16. It is only ignorant to think that no more change will occur in just the same span from 16-19. Maybe not as much, but some WILL occur. Â

Nothing wrong with being blunt, is being blunt and appearing that way cuz you don't back shit up.

Speaking of growing up, DAMN..! You have impressed the kid twice in a row...As someone known to hit us off with the one line drops, you have come correct...Once again, well said...

I agree with many of the things deepdiver said...

It is not so much a monetary thing, but having responsibility will make a man out of you fast...Shit, when I was a teenager I didn't want to go grow up...I loved being a kid...And I was smart enough, or smarter, to get down with people 10 yrs my Sr...I liked hanging with my friends, playing games, and not having no damn bills..!

I have not had a really hard life, but I certainly have not had it easy...I only recently feel, as of maybe 5 years ago, that I grew into adulthood...And I am 28 years old...I had my own business at 18, and when I was 20, I moved back home to help raise and take care of my brother when my mother had to take a job 200 miles away...Making sure he got what he needed, waking him, etc...A brother/parent...We lived alone...I worked through school DJ'ing parties, and graduated in 2000...But once my Son was born...And I began taking care of him and his mom...And when my mom dislocated her back and couldn't work anymore, doing what I had to do to help her...And my grandmother moving in with us because she had Alzheimer's....And taking care of my young male cousins showing them how to do the right thing cause THEY daddy wasn't shit...Being good to them...

When that started to feel good to me, and not like a burden, I felt like a man...When nobody knows the answers, and they ask me, and I do, I feel like a man...When shit gets bad, and I have to come home cause my family needs me, I felt like a man...

And it is a great thing...

#7

I really like what DD and Aemeth said. I'm with them on all of this

#8

I also agree with the taking care of yourself and others point. But to me, coming into your own involves responsibility for your actions, too. Really acknowlegding in your own mind that it was your own doing and that you need to take real responsibility for it. It drives me nuts how not only the majority of my peers, but also some adults will find the craziest ways to blame other people. And I was going to say something about consequences until I re-read what DD said and realized that he just about covered it perfectly! =)

My "Troll for the day" lol: LG's Critical... (And I love you too, so don't be mad at me please). You constantly claim that I wear "rose colored glasses" that are going to fuck me over in the end. Well the truth is, it's just as easy to get screwed by walking around judging the entire population of the world before you meet them. I know perfectly well that there are bad people out there, and I know that they have no problem taking advantage of kindness. But there are just as many good people who reward and appreciate a helping hand or friendly smile. You can refute it until the cows come home, but I still think that you're closing doors. You judge so quickly. I know that I complain about my dad not always being here- but atleast he does what he can. You've said that he's a bad father, but he's trying and sacrifices alot to see me when he does. In my book that makes him a great dad just for sticking around, he could've easily disappeared without child support or anything, but he didn't. If you're going to judge people, you have to give equal judgement to the good and the bad. No one is perfect, and that's just that- but everyone has some form of good in them (Please don't bring up cases of obselete mass murders here, I'm generalizing). And blunt is great for telephone conversations when you're on a calling card and paying two dollars a minute, but anywhere else it adds an unnecessary sting to the criticism wound. Even if you're going to tell the person that they're a shit faced peice of doggie doo doo, taking the time to provide ample reason not only gives you more credibility, but the person something to rebound off of. If you really, truly thought someone was wrong or needed improvement- then you'd want them to start taking steps towards that improvement, right? They can't do that if you don't tell them how or why. I know that it's idealist of me to think that every person you call an asshole will amend their ways, but if that's not even an option because they don't know how to- then what's the point of calling them one in the first place? In any case, being critical is fine. I just needed to say that it's no better or worse than being idealist, and neither will get you any further ahead in life than the next guy. (And pleaseeee take this as me trying to tell you how I feel, not me trying to bring you down or something- because you already know that I love you just the way you are, bluntness and all) :love:

Lost Ghost · #9

That was idealist....but, I appreciate it all the same...mostly because I know you personally...and we're gonna spend our lives together...so, let me try and explain further, just based on a certain part...becasue the rest, I agree with.

but the person something to rebound off of. If you really, truly thought someone was wrong or needed improvement- then you'd want them to start taking steps towards that improvement, right? They can't do that if you don't tell them how or why

I've had personal experience with that HERE.....and honestly...it aint working. As openminded as everyone claims to be here....they aren't willing to listen to my opinions....I've stated them...and poured myself into backing up what I'm saying....and then all I get in return is a "you're only 16....you have no experience to form any opinions on.....you dont know waht you're saying"

Then we get into page long arguments about who's right and why....and we end up..that no one ever changes their mind..They come out the same way their came in.....except, in my case....I just feel worse for finally backing myself up...and never getting respect or understanding.

You weren't around for the Tsunami discussion...but I got flamed to all hell...when all I was really looking for...was someone to just say "I can see why you think that way....but this is why I disagree" ...nah, instead it was "You're too young and stupid to understand the real world"

Only person who seems to give me unconiditional respect of my opinions is Raum.

I'm not saying any of the above with a critical or bitter tone....that's the truth and how i really feel.

#10

to be fair LG, I was prolly one of the few people in here who ever experienced being a 16 year old white male. I got that perspective, and I got a taste of suburbia as well.

I don't have to try, I KNOW you will change your mind about some things, and you are intelligent enough and fortunate enough to have a bright future before you... you will also learn more about other people make some mistakes that define you as a person, and somewhere along the way, you will learn how to communicate more effectively and learn that maybe all your mistakes weren't mistakes, after all.

I get the whole Hemmingway thing, but i see past it as well. because I lived past it. and hopefully one day we can sit down and chill with some absinthe pipes and compare notes.. and make bitter faces for a reason.

I am not going to say you are just a kid,.. I am going to say I look forward to when you are a full grown man.

Until then, as one of *my* favorite poets said:

"be thou the obnoxious and stubborn voice of youth yet immortal,
and know you are welcome here, though you be ignorance's portal
to the halls of wisdom, your songs still sing of the innocence of boy
yet it is to the old man's ears that that such innocence is brazen joy."

(that was me, in a poem of Amfortas and Parcival, about myself and my mentor who taught me the priceless skill of substance abuse counseling and tarot cards. He thought me too young to help people outwit chemical demons and demand their own freedom, and I simply refused to stop demanding equality with him, though he outweighed me by 30 years.)

You are welcome here, not because you are young, white, male, or even because you are fortunate, but because you are here.

vertical,
raum