Reaching Out

#1

I have a less than loveable relationship with my father...

Fact of the matter is I haven't talked to him in years, longer than I can remember...What I do remember about him, I can't forget...The things he taught me, I can't be beat at, the things he gave me, how few they are, I still have...

That experience has made me forge a bond with my own son so strong that I don't see how any man can break it...

It is too late for us to have a father and son relationship, but I am wondering if it is too long for us to have a relationship period...He is my dad, and I will always take care of the dude if he needs it...But...Why would he not try after all this time...

Hard to believe that he doesn't care...Is he ashamed..? Maybe he thinks me and my brother hate him..? True enough, the conversation after all these years would be awkward as hell, but still...I'd want to see my son...So, my question is this...Should I be the bigger man and try to talk to him, or..? Let things be as they are..?

#2

i got this one,.. lemme get home to get it more clear.

Summary:

I say you are man enough to let him be a grandfather. That is a sign that you learned the lessons a man needs to learn to be his own man, even if you didn't get them from him. Let bygones be, but realize he prolly had issues with his dad too.

Don't demand he do it. Just, in some ways, this is the way to stand up to him. don't judge him or confront him... just contact him.

my dad lived less than 15 miles from me for 15 years and I never knew it. I lived with him, and we talk, but we are not close. He loves me as much as he can, which, sadly, will never be enough. He has another son he would take a bullet for.

I know jealousy.

vertical,
raum

#3

Speaking as one who has recently had "communication problems" with his own father, if YOU want the relationship to happen, it's pretty apparent after all these years that you'll have to be the one to make the first move. You could be right about him being embarrassed or worried about how you feel about him, but the fact remains that there is a distance there that one of you will have to make the first step to bridge.

I'm sure you have the desire for him to meet your son and I'm sure you have the desire to heal all those past wounds. The question is, will you be able to put yourself out there to him? You need to steel yourself for the possibility that he'll reject your offer of a relationship of whatever form.

Bottom line: I'd make the attempt, but I'd be careful. There's obviously a lot of pain still under the surface. Just be aware of it and it's possible impact.

Good luck man, in whatever you decide to do.

Lost Ghost · #4

It's obviously something that means something to you. What's the hurt in trying? I'm sure your dad cares about you...but after so long, he probably finds it difficult to contact you. He's probably stubborn like all men...and everyday contemplates wether or not to find out how you're doing. But he's probably ashamed tobe the one too create contact.

Do it...what have you got to lose?

#5

Definitely nothing to loose...But at this point...I'm like...What is the point..? And too, what deepdiver said...What if he's not interested..? He's older than me, and should probably consider stepping up to the plate...

Lost Ghost · #6

So...you got nothing to lose...but still are expecting him to come foward.....you know thats pointless.

He's probably waiting on the same thing from you.

Be the bigger man and do it...If you get a cold reaction...at least you tried.

#7

That's another thing, I'm not really expecting him to do anything...Anything I expected him to do, shit, that died 15 years ago...Expectation, is not in the picture...

Most guys that don't know their dads just want to know them to see where they come from...I was of a good age when my parents divorced, and watched him be content with not calling to say happy birthday, or wonder how we were doing in general...And my mother never bad mouthed him...

So, if he's waiting for me to do something, which I doubt, he better be Creepshow...I mean...At this rate, really, I need a reason or motivation to make that attempt to say something...And I don't think really, he's at a point where he could resist trying to run game and explain himself...I inherited my mack genetically, I can tell you that much, LoL...