Sex Problems I Need Help With

[Habib]

Hello to the experienced people of AF,

Circa 2 weeks ago, I had my first ever major sexual encounter with a female. Things involved were kissing, touching, foreplay and the furthest we got to was oral sex.

As it is called in the contemporary world today, I "went down" on this girl. However, I was not comfortable doing this at all. It was such a dilemma because I had to do it considering the fact that she also performed oral sex on me too.

The reason I was so uncomfortable with performing oral sex on her was because all I could think about the possibility that she could have urinated 20 minutes before this happened. It was also a heavy thought that she could have done a #2 at some point during the day. And you know, I think most girls use tissue after this. There are so many nasty things that were going on in my mind you know? Like, sometimes, when doing a #2, that water splashes...you get the idea guys, I will not go into details.

I know that guys pee too and all that. However, with us guys, it is a lot easier to go down on us because it is such a tiny hole that the pee comes from that it does not matter at all. With girls though, it is a completely different story.

My real question for you guys who have been in this situation before at some point is that, I need to find a polite way to ask if she (or both of us) can take a shower before we do this again. I think I will be able to do this again with her, because of we are very good friends. Is there a polite way to ask a girl to take a shower before you get into any kind of major sexual encounter that involves the genitals? I really wanted to ask her, however, I did not because of the fear of her getting upset. If I had asked her, she may have thought that I was trying to call her a dirty and unhygienic girl. And you know women, they get really emotional. Furthermore, if I asked her, I may have actually lost my opportunity to gain some experience that day!

So, guys, do you have any tips? Did you guys think like me when you were in this situation or you were just able to tune out the thought of all that nasty shit? Any help is appreciated (from males and females for that matter).

[Drew]

First and foremost, congratulations! Oh, how they grow! lol

For me personally, I don't really think about all that if its a girl I respect and who just gives off an aura of cleanliness. Also, just to be safe, it's worthwhile to take a little whiff of your finger after touching her to see what it smells like. If its clean, just go for it, you really got nothing to worry about, it's all mental.

I'm not sure how things operate in your culture, but in the oversexualized American culture, I think there's nothing wrong with being completely and totally honest with her. I know if you put it like this to an American girl...you'd probably get what you want "if you want me to go down on you (or return the favor) it'd be much easier and more enjoyable for me if we took a shower beforehand"

I don't really think she'd get too offended by that, particularly if you suggest that both of you do it and not just "WASH YA ASS BEFORE YOU GET IN THIS BED YOU STINKY BITCH"

if she is a good friend of yours and enjoyed it at all, she'll hopefully understand where you're coming from, that you're not trying to be mean but just trying to make yourself more comfortable with the situation, and she'll do anything she can to keep getting it! lol



EDIT: the "your culture" thing was not meant to be a slight, I hope it doesn't come off that way. I'm just referring to the possibility that there may or may not be a different vibe concerning sexuality there. More conservative, etc.

and I'm surely not the most experienced guy here either, so hopefully the other guys chime in as well to offer some advice for you.

[AYHJA]

Interesting...

Well, there are a few things that I feel that I must say...The first thing is that from a ''nasty'' point of view, you should generally be more afraid to kiss a woman than to go down on her...From a bacterial point of view, the mouth is some 100,000x's worse than the nether regions...Just a point to consider...

I can't say that I've ever felt this way...When I was your age, I was struck with the stigma of being in a place where eleventeen guys had been before me...I was VERY cautious to the number of partners a girl had before me...When I was your age, I was almost always the first or second guy a girl had been with... Once I could get that straight in my head, the rest is easy...

I did not make it a habit to go down on girls...I was curious and tried it, but for the most part, I was just ready to get to it...As far as the piss thing goes, I think a woman's piss hole is even smaller than a man's...Secondly, a woman usually wipes down there when she's finished...Now, that won't eliminate all of the piss residue I don't imagine, but probably most of it...And on top of that, women have all sorts of female shit going on down there 24/7, and most of them probably don't even know what its about, especially at your age...I've almost always knew more about my girls pussy than she has...

I would say, that if the girl is not your girlfriend...And has little to no chance of being your girl, I would get rid of the notion to go down on her all together...A smart, good looking guy like yourself should be able to get head just because...If you have reservations about going down, now that you've gotten the experience, I would save deep practicing for a woman you really love and care about...With that element added into it, you'll want to please her, and with a limited sexual background, you're going to have quite a few "one and done" encounters before you master the rod long enough to give her an orgasm that way...

[Habib]

Thanks Drew and Über for the thoughtful insights.

No worries Drew, I understand what you meant by the culture thing. She is a really good friend of mine and I hope that she enjoyed it.

My other problem is that I even think that despite the fact that I still tried to conquer all these mental hygienic ideas in my mind and lick her pussy as best as I could, I am not sure if she enjoyed it. She did not make that noise that the girls in porn videos make when guys are doing down on them you know? That really erotic and sensational voice, do you understand what I am saying? I need to hear that noise from a girl, I need to. Should every girl be making those noises guys?

Über, I am absolutely shocked that the mouth is that much dirtier than a vagina. I would never have imagined that. Regardless though, you know, provided that a mouth does not have bad breath, it is still relatively a lot easier to engage in kissing without having any mental worries. The vagina is just something entirely different though, it just looks very...biological. Very red and pink and raw like fresh meat you know? You just really want something like that to be as clean as possible.

A smart, good looking guy like yourself should be able to get head just because...

Hehehehe, thank you! :D

I wish I could be like you were when you were younger and develop that habit to have not gone down on girls. Thanks to "The Stacks" now, but I just have this strong urge to do everything that I see a man do to a woman in a porn video; except the sex of course, because I have not (still) had the opportunity to do that yet.

Me and this girl are very close friends. She is a very nice girl to me, we talk a lot and she acts and shows me that she cares about me. It is not like I mind her being my girlfriend, but I doubt that she wants to date me. And the dilemma here is that I do want to go down on her again and again, but at the same time I want to be mentally convinced that her genitals are immaculately clean. I am not sure, but do you guys think that it is too selfish to think that way?

[jdog]

Thanks Drew and Über for the thoughtful insights.

No worries Drew, I understand what you meant by the culture thing. She is a really good friend of mine and I hope that she enjoyed it.

My other problem is that I even think that despite the fact that I still tried to conquer all these mental hygienic ideas in my mind and lick her pussy as best as I could, I am not sure if she enjoyed it. She did not make that noise that the girls in porn videos make when guys are doing down on them you know? That really erotic and sensational voice, do you understand what I am saying? I need to hear that noise from a girl, I need to. Should every girl be making those noises guys?

Über, I am absolutely shocked that the mouth is that much dirtier than a vagina. I would never have imagined that. Regardless though, you know, provided that a mouth does not have bad breath, it is still relatively a lot easier to engage in kissing without having any mental worries. The vagina is just something entirely different though, it just looks very...biological. Very red and pink and raw like fresh meat you know? You just really want something like that to be as clean as possible.

A smart, good looking guy like yourself should be able to get head just because...

Hehehehe, thank you! :D

I wish I could be like you were when you were younger and develop that habit to have not gone down on girls. Thanks to "The Stacks" now, but I just have this strong urge to do everything that I see a man do to a woman in a porn video; except the sex of course, because I have not (still) had the opportunity to do that yet.

Me and this girl are very close friends. She is a very nice girl to me, we talk a lot and she acts and shows me that she cares about me. It is not like I mind her being my girlfriend, but I doubt that she wants to date me. And the dilemma here is that I do want to go down on her again and again, but at the same time I want to be mentally convinced that her genitals are immaculately clean. I am not sure, but do you guys think that it is too selfish to think that way?

If I can give some words of advice it will be this:

1. Don't believe porn, those women are all faking it for the sake of the camera. The more whorish they act the more they get paid. That's all they want anyway.
2. Don't worry about "pleasing" a woman. You are a man. The only thing she wants out if you is in your back pocket. Just make sure that YOU get what you want out of a woman.
3. Don't ever go down on a woman if it doesn't lead to sex. Foreplay and oral leads to blue balls. If you are giving oral the only reason is to ensure that her vagina is properly lubricated so that you can slide your dick in her. The wetter, the better.
4. Women like to pretend they have good hygiene but they don't. That's why they wear makeup. If you want a great idea of a woman's hygiene go look at that bitch (Katelyn Faber) who claimed that Kobe Bryant raped her. They did a rape kit test and found several other guy's semen in her panties.
5. Always wear a condom. Never trust a woman that she is on birth control. They will pull tactics to trap you to get pregnant and then come after you for what they really want: money.
6. Never fall in love. A woman will burn you and rip your heart to pieces if given the chance.
7. Always pay a woman after sex. It doesn't matter if she really isn't a prostitute, it will put things in perspective for her.
8. If you want to lose your virginity the right way, fly to Nevada and visit the Bunny Ranch. It is costly but they will fuck you the right way.
9. There is no "the one" for you. Men and women only have one thing in common: our genitals fit nicely together.
10. Never, ever get married. You need to ask yourself some things if the subject is ever brought up. What does a man get out of marriage? A faithful wife? Wrong. A ring on her finger means she got what SHE wanted out of you.
11. Pussies, like dicks, are all different. They will look different (which should be evident with the porn you see) and smell different. Some pussy smells good, some pussy downright stinks badly. Women are self conscious of the latter.
12. Never trust a woman. Already stated in #5 but I will repeat this so you understand it properly. If they tell you, "I love you," it really means, "I am going to ruin your life."

All of these things I have learned from 15 years of experience with the opposite sex. I am not a bitter man. I'm just a realist with some hard lessons learned.

[Habib]

Whoa whoa whoa jdog, first and foremost thanks for the comment. But wow, I am shocked with some of the things you said sir, they are ice cold.

Numbers 2, 6, 7, 9, 10 & 12 are extremely controversial comments right there; I would appreciate a more in depth explanation on why you think that way.

[jdog]

Whoa whoa whoa jdog, first and foremost thanks for the comment. But wow, I am shocked with some of the things you said sir, they are ice cold.

Numbers 2, 6, 7, 9, 10 & 12 are extremely controversial comments right there; I would appreciate a more in depth explanation on why you think that way.

Nothing of what I said is cold. If it seems that way, it's because I had to learn it.

You want more in depth explanations?

2. If the only thing a woman wants is a man's money then why should you take the time to satisfy them? If a woman had a chance at dating a guy who is broke or a guy that is rich, which one would she take?
6. Why should you give your heart to someone that is only going to stomp on it the first chance they get? Women are fickle creatures and will give themselves to whatever is giving them the most attention or money.
7. You are paying them anyway. You pay them with drinks, dinner, jewelry, etc. Eventually they come and ask you for money.
9. Hormones make men and women the way they are. Men are driven by testosterone and women are driven by estrogen. That makes us naturally incompatible. Given, we might have some traits in common but is that what drives you to a woman or is it your testosterone powered penis?
10. Plain fact, a man does not benefit from getting married. Modern society has driven man to think that the final stage of a relationship is marriage. That is not true. Marriage is nothing more than a legal binding document of a relationship. As a man, what would you get out of it that you already didn't have in a long term monogamous relationship? She won't be any more faithful to you than before. Women have learned this and that is why they push for it, or threaten to break up because a man won't take "the next step".
12. Women don't even trust each other. Just ask a woman this! They have no problem admitting to their own bitchy and catty ways. They will stab each other in the back over trivial things. It's in their DNA and caused by their hormones (estrogen).

[Habib]

I am still shocked lol, are you serious with all you said? Okay listen...

#2) Are there not lots of women out there who like you for who you are? It cannot be all women that like you because of money, come on man.
#6) I have mixed reactions on that one. I cannot disagree or agree with you in this case. I am somewhere in the middle. I guess if you fall in love, you just have to trust and hope that she feels the same way. There is a probability though that she can indeed burn you and rip your heart to shreds.
#7) If you will pay a woman after sex, then technically she is a prostitute. I disagree with you there. However, I need to get something straight. By "pay" there, do you mean in terms of money? Because if you look at it in another way, paying a woman after sex could be doing things like showing her that you care, kissing her again and not just falling asleep right after.
#9) There surely has to be a girl at some point that will like you back right? If you like a girl and the feeling is mutual, is she not indeed "the one?"
#10) If you do not get married, will you get that feeling that you have fulfilled your life responsibility as a man? Will you ever feel complete success as a man? At a stage in your life, do you not want to have your own children, family and assume some responsibilities? Do you not feel like that?
#12) Some women make you really have confidence in them you know? This is something that they will have to prove over time though. If they fail and disappoint you mightily, I guess you cannot trust them.

If you do not mind me asking jdog, what do you think about the idea of having your own children?

[darklighter1]

Man I thought I was cynical on marriage but that first post by Jdog was a fucking RIOT!! OH my God dude can I keep that? You should have that whole thing copyrighted and made into posters and shirts. I kept laughing more and more. It's not quite that bad Habib but it ain't far off either.

[jdog]

I am still shocked lol, are you serious with all you said? Okay listen...

#2) Are there not lots of women out there who like you for who you are? It cannot be all women that like you because of money, come on man.
#6) I have mixed reactions on that one. I cannot disagree or agree with you in this case. I am somewhere in the middle. I guess if you fall in love, you just have to trust and hope that she feels the same way. There is a probability though that she can indeed burn you and rip your heart to shreds.
#7) If you will pay a woman after sex, then technically she is a prostitute. I disagree with you there. However, I need to get something straight. By "pay" there, do you mean in terms of money? Because if you look at it in another way, paying a woman after sex could be doing things like showing her that you care, kissing her again and not just falling asleep right after.
#9) There surely has to be a girl at some point that will like you back right? If you like a girl and the feeling is mutual, is she not indeed "the one?"
#10) If you do not get married, will you get that feeling that you have fulfilled your life responsibility as a man? Will you ever feel complete success as a man? At a stage in your life, do you not want to have your own children, family and assume some responsibilities? Do you not feel like that?
#12) Some women make you really have confidence in them you know? This is something that they will have to prove over time though. If they fail and disappoint you mightily, I guess you cannot trust them.

If you do not mind me asking jdog, what do you think about the idea of having your own children?

2. What is the first thing a woman goes after in a divorce? Look at Elin Nordegren, Linda Hogan, Camille Grammer, Shannon Price, Victoria Hopper, Brooke Mueller, etc. They all went after their ex-husband's money! These are celebrities' ex-wives. It doesn't get any different for the average man either.
6. In more times than not, it will get stomped on.
7. That's romantic but won't be as pleasing when you find out they were sleeping with some other man right before you got home.
9. No, I sure hope you never think that way. Because you are "the one" for her only at that moment. Go out and get two jobs to support her and you will find her attention drifting to someone else. Maybe your next door neighbor?
10. Your life responsibility as a man? What makes you think that's marriage? How is it success if you get married, then she finds someone else, divorces you and takes half of what you spent your whole life to earn? You can have children and not get married.
12. Making a man have confidence in them is something they have been learning since they started bleeding between their legs.

For the last part? I already have a child. I still try to be a part of her life although her mother has lied through the court system to try to deny me the right of being a part of it. That's a whole separate story that I won't share further though.

Look, I am not bitter towards women nor am I a cold hearted son-of-a-bitch. I really tried to be the nice guy for a VERY long time...until one day I woke up. I saw things in a whole new perspective. It's just a pity that it took so long. I'm just trying to share some hard life's lessons with you.