Google's pizza

[5829]

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir this is Google's pizza.
- Sorry, I must have dialed a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought out Gordon's Pizza a short while ago.
- OK. Take my order please.
- OK sir, would you like your usual?"
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller-ID database, your last 12 orders were for pizza with cheese and sausage toppings, thick crust and crisp.
- OK! That's it...
- May I suggest this time you add ricotta, arugula with dry tomato toppings?
- What? I hate vegetables.
- Your cholesterol is not good, sir."
- How do you know that?
- We cross-matched your phone number with your name and your online medical portal. We have the result of your blood tests for the past 7 years.
- Okay, but I do not want those toppings, I already take medicine ...
- Excuse me, but you have not taken your medicine regularly. We can see from our database, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 cholesterol tablets at CVS.
- I bought more from another pharmacy.
- Such a transaction is not showing in your credit card account.
- I paid in cash.
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your recent bank statement.
- I have another source of cash.
- That is not showing as per your latest tax return unless you obtained it from an undeclared income source.
WHAT THE.....
- "I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the intention of helping you.
- Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to spy on me.
- "I understand sir but you'll need to renew your passport first as it expired 6 weeks ago!